The Flowers We Missed That Day
by Dorian-Express
Summary: They were so close. Just so close.
1. Prologue

I don't own NGE and all that jazz.

Prologue

"I like you"

Her words rang in my ears like foghorns.

"Can...you repeat that?"

"I...um...like you, Ikari-kun" she repeated, her voice shaking with either excitement or nervousness, I couldn't really wasn't the first time that a girl has asked me out. The first time, I thought I was being pranked or being tested in some way, shape, or form. I would have suspected my father if he weren't buried 6 feet in the ground. He wasn't buried 6 feet under the surface, but he's dead. So there is that.

"Ikari-kun?" she asked after a minute.

"I'm flattered, but I don't have the same feelings for you," I responded, "Sorry". I looked at the young woman, her face contorting itself, tears beginning to flow. My hand reached out, hoping to comfort the crying woman in front of me, before I forcefully withdrew it. I stood there for a couple minutes, watching the young woman in front of me cry, my own heart dropping. I didn't want this.

I'm going to take this time that she's crying to tell you what happened in the last couple years. I was god. Or I became God. Semantics really. The most important thing was that I wanted to bring back humanity, and I wanted the world to go back to the way it was before it went to complete shit. So before 2nd Impact. I didn't reverse time, but after I think it was like 6 or 7 days, the world was rebuilt. It was like the bible, except I didn't do anything. I just wanted the world back, without the angels, without the Evas, without Nerv. Just wanted peace in the goddamn world. People came out of the primordial orange juice, and buildings were restored, nature came back, the world became normal again.

"It's okay, Ikari-kun" the girl sniffed, "Is it because you like someone?"

"Not...exactly" I muttered, scratching the back of my head. There was one girl, well, she was 21, so a woman. Asuka. I had a vague recollection of waking up next to an injured Asuka and choking her mangled body. It wasn't exactly my favorite memory. But as we lived through the rebirth of the world, and as we evolved along with it, we became the two constants in each other's lives. It wasn't a romantic feeling, actually, I'm not sure if it was or not. We never had any significant others nor did we have feelings for anyone else. But, we kept each other sane.

"Well, then...I have to go to my circle…" the young woman in front of me whispered before rapidly turning heels and running away. I didn't make an attempt to reach out after her nor did I want to. After a moment of lonely silence, I walked away as well. Asuka was probably waiting for me and I didn't want her screaming at me again. If my father taught me one goddamn thing, it was that I didn't have to take bullshit from anyone. Okay, maybe except Asuka. Despite the stuff that my father put me through, he helped me through the last 7 or 8 years. I don't know how to describe it, but I saw myself becoming like him. Obsessed with what could have been, with what should have been, instead of living for what I have now. After 7 years, I still couldn't explain it.

"Hey, Asuka" I called from behind the redhead as I approached her in the college square. I watched her turn around to face me, her beauty still stunning me everytime. The first time I had met her was on a battleship, her sundress fluttering in the wind. Her love for sundresses didn't change. Her beauty did matured, becoming more shapely and dare I say, sexy.

"Hey, Shinji" She called back, her voice barely distinguishable from the stampeding of college students. In the years that followed, Asuka had adopted a...nicer personality. A lot less, as what otakus would say, tsundere. Thankfully, she dropped the idiot part from my name. An involuntary smile etched its way onto my face as she drew closer to me.

"What took you so long!" Asuka questioned, her voice an aggravated whisper. It was probably best to avoid telling her about the girl who asked me out. Over the years, as I started to mature and come into my features, I've gotten a lot of letters of the romantic sorts. Then I learned that Asuka was the jealous type. And not the vengeful, Dark Knight, jealous type that I thought she would be, but she was the silent, cry-to-myself jealous type. When I saw her the first time she cried like that, I'll admit it, it crushed my heart.

"Uhhh, something came up" I responded meekly. I looked down at the redhead to meet her disapproving eyes. I sucked in a breath through my teeth. She knew something was up. Just wait for the backlash. Just wait for it. Take it and use that pain to better yourself.

"Are you gonna tell me what?" Asuka asked poutingly. Her head turned sharply to face me as a light chuckle escaped my throat.

"Do you really wanna know?" I teased, as we walked off campus. She nodded fervently, her ponytail shaking with her head.

"How about I tell you later?" I responded to her disapproval.

"How about now!? You perv" her tone sharp and cutting. Luckily for me, after 8 or so years of her verbal abuse, it was like a dull knife cutting into the hide of an armadillo.

"A girl from my creative writing class asked me out" I muttered quickly under my breath. I heard a sigh from the girl next to me followed by a quickening of her pace. I've done it now, haven't I? After 8 goddamn years, I still couldn't keep a secret from her. Reminds me of a conversation we had over dinner. She asked me, completely nonchalantly, if I've ever masturbated to her. And me, being an aloof idiot, responded with yes.

"Hey, Asuka! What are you doing?" I yelled after her, my voice catching the wind to her ears. Was she really jealous? Or was she playing around with me again?

"Nothing! Cardio!" She stammered out, her breathing slightly ragged. She should have kept exercising.

"Really now because last time I checked, walking fast for a fucking block isn't cardio" I retorted as she slowed down back to my side. Her face was flushed, her eyes were slightly wet, her body slumped. I reluctantly patted the girl on the shoulder, hoping to comfort her.

"Don't touch me, you idiot" she berated, her voice soaked with venom. I hadn't heard her call me an idiot in a long, long time. Usually, she would refer to me with bigger words, but it was kind of cute in a way how she would defer to her old insults.

"Sorry, sorry!" I apologized sarcastically.

"What did she say?" I heard. It was soft, uncharacteristically so.

"She just told me she liked me" I explained. A barely audible squeak emerged from Asuka's throat. She was upset. God, I hate the Tsundere types. Well, not hate.

"I'll buy yo-" I offered before being cut her by Asuka.

"What did you say?"

"I said no thank you and peaced out" I responded, "Happy?"

"I'll be happy when you buy me my damn burger!" she retorted as we entered a small diner close to the campus. It was Asuka's favorite diner because it had an eclectic mix of foreign foods. She told me it reminded her of her hometown in Germany. It wasn't terribly expensive, and it was great for its price. It served a lot of nice warm food too. It was already January, and it was freezing. I don't know if it was the unnatural always summer of the post 2nd-impact world, but I found myself enjoying summer more than winter.

"Do you want a burger?" I asked as we sat down at a small table for two. I perused the menu placed in front of us. I always tried to get a different item than what I got last time, give myself a taste of variety. Asuka, on the other hand, never deviated from her staple 3 items: German Sausage burger, German Set A, and the Tonkatsu set. I glanced up at Asuka, who hadn't even moved her menu, rather staring at me.

"Don't you wish you could read" Asuka muttered under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear.

"Do you want me to pay?" I retorted. She nodded sarcastically, before signalling the waiter over.

"Hello, Asuka and Shinji!" the young waiter greeted before pulling out a small notepad from his pocket. The establishment had come to know us by our names, seeing as Asuka loved eating here. We came here maybe three or four times a week, depending on when our circle met and when we had class. Our apartment building wasn't even too far from here.

"Yeah, how's it going" Asuka asked in German.

"It's going fine, thank you" the waiter responded, also in German. Normally, the waiter would have asked us, but Asuka knew the staff here on a personal level, often times taking cooking lessons from the head chef when he was free. Unfortunately, Asuka didn't have as much skill at cooking unlike her skill with the Eva. Even worse, I had to be the guinea pig. Eating her half-cooking schnitzel was terrifying.

"I'll have the German Burger!" Asuka chimed, handing the young man her untouched menu. The young man jotted the order down before turning to me.

"I'll have the German burger as well" I ordered, in German. It wasn't particularly good German, but I figured that I might as well take German, seeing as Asuka enjoyed insulting me in her native tongue. I handed the young waiter my menu before he walked away. I looked at my counterpart across the table, her head nodding in approval.

"Your german's getting better" she complimented before taking a sip of her cup of water.

"Yeah, well, I've been working at it" I responded before sipping at my own cup of water.

"Why'd you take German again?"

"I don't know, just felt like it"

"Was it for me?" was the next loaded question. Her eyes trained on mine, searching me.

"Probably" was my response much to her chagrin. Despite our maturation, I had never shed the ambiguous answers. It was too ingrained in me, so Asuka believes.

"Why didn't you like Fuyuka-chan?" Asuka asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Who's Fuyuka?" I asked.

"The girl who asked you out?" she responded, her eyebrows knitted closely together.

"That's her name? I didn't even know" I responded. It seems insensitive, but I really only wanted to remember the most important women to me. My mom, Yui, my friend, Asuka, my guardian, Misato, and of course, Asuka.

"You're so insensitive!" Asuka exclaimed, her voice rising a tad too much. I chuckled softly at the girl's outburst as her face became the same color as her hair.

"Idiot" she muttered softly.

"I don't know her that well. I didn't even know her first name was Fuyu-"

"Her last name is Fuyuka" Asuka interjected much to my chagrin. I winced softly as she made the correction. Maybe I was a tad insensitive.

"Semantics. We have one cla-" I said, hoping to save myself.

"You have three" Asuka interjected once again to my chagrin.

"I only met her this yea-" I continued.

"You met last year" Asuka interjected.

"Fine, I don't like her." I stated abruptly discarding my previous statements and sentimentality.

"But why?" Asuka repeated.

"I don't know, I just don't. I lik-" I responded, before I caught myself. Much to my displeasure, Asuka had this latent ability to draw out an answer from me. But not today. Today was the day that the 3rd Child won against the 2nd child.

"Who do you like?" Asuka asked, a venomous smile on her face.

"I...uh...like...uhhhhh...having free time. Yea, having free time!" I stammered, unconvinced that Asuka actually bought my excuse. Luckily, before Asuka could continue her interrogation, the waiter brought two plates of food. The german sausage burger was their speciality and right fully so. It was pretty fucking delicious, if I say so myself. Rarely have I ever encountered such a delicious beast. Just a lot of spices and a lot of curing.

"Let's eat!" I said before picking up my delicious burger and taking a nice juicy bite. The restaurant here used a bratwurst mix for the burger. It was fatty, juicy, and had the perfect amount of spice. Not necessary spicy, but it had a lot of fennel and the like. It was an aromatic bomb as much as it was a flavor bomb. One of my favorite things to do was mix ketchup with the juices that escaped the burger as I bit it. It created a wonderful fatty, sweet, and sour condiment for the fries that came with the burger. I loved how the burger came with the tangy tomato to balance the richness of the burger, and the lettuce that provided the crunch and slight bitterness to round it out.

"So good" Asuka moaned as she ravished her burger enthusiastically. Her fervor for food seemed unparalleled. She devoured it like it was a small bag of potato chips, speaking of which, we were out of chips. It was almost comical how much snack she eats, even more comical was her body's reluctance to gain weight. Was it a german thing or something?

"So, is there anyone you like?" I asked as the eating slowed down. I had an inkling as to who she liked. It was probably Kaji; she was never the type to let go. She still had the receptor things at home, while I chucked mine into the orange goop first chance I got. It was my past. I'm gonna let it stay that way.

"Uhhh, let's get the check" Asuka said, waving over the waiter. She was obviously dodging my question, but I knew better than to press buttons. Asuka was a nuclear explosion waiting to happen. I reached for the check that the waiter brought over and read how much I owed. It wasn't too much considering that NERV still paid us for our services as pilots. Once the world came back from hell, everything went almost back to normal. The banks worked, most importantly. We had accumulated a lot of money during our tenure at NERV. Apparently, children pilots garnered a nice salary and the year that we had was roughly a million or so. Father probably didn't care about the cash, probably because he assumed that we'd all become slob and cash wouldn't be an issue. One of the few things that I'm grateful for my father for. I had to make sure that I didn't run out anytime soon, but seeing as I had a part-time job at a clinic, I wasn't going to. I didn't have the means to live lavishly, but it wasn't terrible.

"Here you go" I said, placing my credit card in the tab and handed it to the waiter. In return, he gave me a courteous smile and a nod.

"Thanks" Asuka mumbled into her glass of water.

"No problem, Asuka" I smiled. After the waiter returned with the receipt, I slipped on my pea coat and my muffler. It was a pretty cold day today, fortunately I didn't have class after this. I just wanted to cud-huddle under the kotatsu and watch some television. Maybe after I go to the gym, I can grab some ingredients for nabe.

"Hey, you want nabe tonight?" I asked as we exited the diner.

"Sure, I guess we're eating it at your place" Asuka responded after a moment of thought.

"We always eat at my place." I retorted. Despite Asuka living next door to me, she always ate at my place and did" her homework at my place. Hell, when she's sick or stuff, she sleeps at my place. But despite the frustrations, it was kind of endearing. It just wasn't cool when she never paid for anything.

"I have class soon, I'll catch you later" Asuka said as she turned to the campus. I waved goodbye before heading on my merry way to the gym. I started working out around 1st year of college when one of my upperclassmen took me to his gym. Although he graduated and no longer lives in the area, I still go there three or four times a week. Not to be pompous, but after steadily going to the gym for 2 years, I felt a lot stronger and fitter. A lot of my old clothes ceased to fit me, which was perfect for Asuka, seeing as she could shop and dress me.

"Hnnnngh" I grunted as I pushed through the last rep of the last set of benches. I looked around and saw some incredibly buff guys. Some guy was squatting over 225 pounds...as a warmup. Which was pretty insane, I could do like 175 max, but then again, I never really went to the gym to pack on muscle. Asuka thought I looked like a freak when I put on too much muscle, and forced me to lean down. She even went as far as to purchase a month's subscription just to make sure I stopped bulking. I ran on the treadmill for an hour a day.

Going to the gym was something that I dreaded at first, but after a while, I grew to enjoy it. It was a good stress reliever and let's be honest here, it makes you look great. Asuka's always telling me when girls check me out, even guys. But I've never noticed anyone stealing glances at me. Well, I've caught Asuka a couple times, but that's it.

I checked my phone as I waited for the fly machine. It was already 3pm! Time flies when you're at the gym. Asuka had texted me about 10 minutes ago. _I'm done. Wanna meet up at the gym? _I replied with a thumbs up, too lazy to send a full text. The guy on the machine motioned that he was done with his set. I sat down on the machine, in front of the mirror. My tanktop was utterly drenched with sweat. Good job, me. Good job.

I reached for the handles and began my 1st set consisting of 10 reps at 130 lbs. Flys tended to be the second-to-last exercise I did on chest day. I usually ended on weighted dips and then did 30 minutes of cardio. I pushed and pushed as I completed the 5 required sets, my chest muscles aching and bellowing in pain. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to complete it. My body was completely depleted at this point, but that never stopped me. Well, it's stopped me before. You know, before 3rd impact and stuff, but this pain was nothing compared to that pain. Gathering the last ounces of my strength, I dragged my feet over to the pullup/dip contraption. I took a swig of my almost depleted gatorade before begrudgingly harnessing a plate of 25 to my waist.

As I garnered the last reserves of strength in my weary body to lift myself into the dip position, images of Asuka flashed in my head. At first, it was war memories. Memories of a darker time. It lifted me and gave me the strength to do the dips. But the harsh memories of a mangled unit-02, a comatose Asuka, everything faded into more recent, happy memories. Our first new years party as a college students, the drunken kiss, her birthday smile, everything. It pushed me through the last set.

With the final drips of strength, I waddled over to the treadmills to prepare for the post-workout cardio. I had an underclassman ask me how I live through the brutal workouts that I put myself through. Quite frankly, I had no clue. I thought about it as I jogged on the treadmill. It was probably because I wanted to improve myself on every level. Instrumentality taught me that. That living life like the way I had was unproductive. I wanted to feel, to change, to be better. I was given a goddamn second chance by Rei or Lilith or whoever, and if I wasn't going to use it, Rei and Kaworu's death was going to be meaningless.

Speaking of Rei and Kaworu, I missed them. I missed them a lot. It's been 8 years and I still find myself up at night thinking about them. Rei and Kaworu never re-materialized. Maybe they didn't want to, or maybe they never could. I don't think I'll ever know. I don't even know if I want to know. They unlocked something in me, something that I feared I had lost. I still remembered...when the cold hands on Unit 1...my hands curled around him. Coiled. Squishing...extinguishing...life.

I got off the treadmill 5 minutes early. My thoughts were in a disarray, scattered through time, engrossed in its own downtrodden ways. I felt the 14 year old scaredy cat in me. You can't shed the past, can you? No matter how I tried to change, I felt that same fear. The same fear of when I had to pilot my goddamn eva. I quickly stripped off the soaked tanktop and stuffed it in the plastic bag. The heat in my body did not dissipate, I hated the feeling of sweat rolling off my body. It felt disgusting. I made rapid work of wiping the sweat off my body and putting on my sweater and jeans before throwing my dirty clothes into the plastic bag and putting it in my duffel. Asuka hated waiting, especially for me. If it Hikari, it would be no problem, but 5 minutes for her war buddy, it was hell on earth.

"You're late, you dick" Asuka berated as I exited the gym. Her face was red from the cold, and she was shaking a bit. I felt a slight pinch in my heart as I watched the young woman suffer.

"I'm sorry! Let's go to the market" I apologized before heading to the local supermarket.

"How was the gym?" Asuka asked.

"Hard as hell." I complained, rotating my shoulder in an effort to relieve some of the pain. Although I was grateful for the heat generated from my workout, the bitter cold bit through my scarf and assaulted my throat.

"You cold?" I asked, my voice trailing in the wind. I turned to the shivering redhead, her hair fluttering effortlessly in the wind. The slight redness to her cheeks made her...more endearing to me.

"What do you think, idiot?" was her typical response, usually followed by a chuckle from me. Our interactions relaxed me. It was something I've grown to look forward to. Our usual banter at the table, our usual cup of tea as we relaxed into the night, her leaving to go to her apartment next door, my usual going over to her place the next morning and making breakfast. It was something I had come to enjoy and seek. It was our thing.

"So what do you want in your nabe?" I asked as we strolled through the aisle of the supermarket. She grabbed some beef and threw it in the cart, along with some tofu and udon. The way she moved methodically and systematically reminded me of her piloting of the Eva. A lot more mechanically gifted than I, but she was given the short end of the stick. She had her Eva-02, while I had Unit 1. Quite honestly, I missed it sometimes. I missed having a purpose.

"Misato and Kaji are coming" Asuka said as we perused the chip aisle. Chips were strictly off my diet, but Asuka freaking love them. She devoured them relentlessly most of the time, it was her ideal snack.

"Stop buying so many bags of chips" I complained, "it's bad for you" To my disapproval, Asuka grabbed two more bags of chips and placed it on top of the nabe ingredients. In retaliation, I took out a bag and placed it back on the shelf. Reluctantly, Asuka accepted this and sighed defeated.

"Did you hear me? Misato and Kaji are coming!" Asuka repeated. I nodded in response. Misato and Kaji came out of the goop together, much to Asuka's chagrin. Like most people post-Instrumentality, they strived to improve their lives. They got married, they had a kid, they had a picturesque life. Kaji returned to his espionage ways except for the press this time. Misato decided to go with Ritsuko and work at a research lab. Thankfully, not on anything Evangelion related.

"Is little Kenji coming?"

"No, he has a sleepover over the weekend at his friend's house." Asuka responded while she read the back of a snack package, before dumping it in the cart.

"Should we pick up some beer?" I asked. Misato had significantly reduced how much she drank, but we still drank together on occasion. She'd never get to point where she'd flat go fall unconscious. She was still our guardian, while not on paper, she was like our guardian.  
"Yeah, she'd probably like that" Asuka muttered as we walked by the beverage aisle to pick up two six packs. Yebisu, her favorite brand. I still don't know how it didn't get destroyed in the aftermath, but then again, our bank accounts didn't get destroyed either. But then again, I didn't know how any of it worked, I really left it to chance. I just wanted the world back to normal.

For some reason, my apartment was significantly more furnished than Asuka's. Asuka really only had a bed, a small table, a bathroom, and a kitchen. It was designed only for sleep. She did most of her stuff at my apartment anyways. She furnished my apartment more than hers. She told me to buy this L-shaped sofa, two armchairs, and a nice sized kotatsu. I had a plasma screen and everything. My bedroom was also quite nicely furnished as well, mostly by myself. I'd never let her in my room anyways. It wasn't because I had pornography or anything, I just didn't want her snooping around.

"I'm going to take a nap" Asuka yawned before snuggling herself underneath the warmed-up kotatsu. She was really like a child at times. She needed to nap at least once a day, it was weird. She'd just plop herself on the sofa or under the kotatsu and fall right asleep. I don't really remember the last time I took a nap under the kotatsu, I was usually busy doing housework. I quickly unpacked my sweaty gym clothes and tossed it in with the laundry, before heading into the shower. I shivered as the first sprinkles of cold water erupted from the showerhead before it turned warm and soothing. My upperclassman told me that a warm shower or bath always helped after a workout. It soothed the muscles, warming them and healing them. I don't really know if that scientifically checked out, but it helped.

Flashbacks. Even after 8 years, I still had those flashbacks. That same sickening feeling I get whenever I involuntarily think back. To those darker times. That searing pain in my body every time I got shot, stabbed, electrocuted. The psychological pain that didn't leave a mark on my body. Something that stabbed my consciousness and my psyche. I turned off the shower and stepped out. The cool wind shocked me back to reality, slowing down my fanatic heart. I sucked in a breath, quelling the ball of fire in my stomach. I hated it. I hated feeling this way. No matter how much I tried, it was always there.

It was because of her. She reminded me of the fragile girl that I had grown up with. No matter how many times I denied it, it was because of her that I still felt this way. She was the remnant of the past that stuck with me. I had coldheartedly denied anyone from that past access to my inner sanctuary. Where I could begin anew, shed that anxiety. But she was there. But I knew it wasn't one-sided, I knew she still had nightmares, she still cried and cried. No matter how she tried to hide the scars on her wrist, I knew...I knew.

My heart pumped fanatically as I remembered the scars, the pain, the fear. Despite the years of studying, exercising, counseling, I still could not escape it. And to some extent, I never will. She was asleep. No nightmares right now, no screaming. Just a soft snoring. My thoughts were interrupted by the gracious sound of a ringing phone. It was Misato.

"Hey, Shinji. I'm coming over in 2 hours! Do you need me to bring anything?"

"Nah, not really. Bring whatever you feel like. Desert, maybe?"

"Okay, sure. I'll see you soon" *click*

I turned back to the sleeping figure under the kotatsu. Her face was almost blissful. Her rest was only fruitful when I was around. She'd never admit it, but I knew deep down that my presence kept her sane. Her presence kept me sane. Well, mostly sane. Not entirely. Almost there, I hope. I slid myself next to the sleeping girl and took out my macbook. A faint smell of peach emanated from her hair. Asuka's hair had mellowed out from a fiery red to a reddish-peach color. Quite frankly, I like her hair this way a lot more. Her hair was soft and loose as it slipped out of my hand.

An hour passed by as I diligently reviewed the slides from college. That girl that asked me out earlier was in my creative writing class. It was a fun class, something that helped me vent my stress. Although I'm majoring in chemistry, I found the creative writing class intellectually stimulating. It was a different type of stimulation though. It was less about remember steps or facts or equations, but rather it was something that allowed me to explore my mind. Admittedly, Asuka had some reservations about a child soldier writing in a creative writing class. Granted, some of my prior traumas did spill onto the page, but it was all in the pursuit of a good story. And they were good.

Asuka made her way into so many of my assignments. My professor once speculated that the character that portrayed Asuka represented a lot more to me than I let on. As much as I hated to admit it, she was in so many facets of my goddamn life. 8 years ago, I hated her guts. She hated me. She made me kiss her for some stupid reason. She boasted, berated, and ultimately, she was her own undoing. But...but, she meant too much for me to hate her. Sometimes, looking at her was painful. Her intelligence, her looks, it echoed to me. Beckoned me. Told me no.

I looked at the time, it was about 6:30. I had to get working on dinner. As I got up, I felt a slight resistance on my leg. Asuka was grabbing me, muttering something in her sleep. I couldn't make it out, but I shook myself off her. I grabbed the pot from under the sink and proceeded to prep the ingredients. I always thought nabe was like chinese hotpot or vice versa. We just dumped everything into a big clay pot with a stock and cooked it. I decided to use miso this time. Perfect for the cold winter weather.

*Ding Ding*

"Coming" I yelled, before unlocking the door. I was greeted with two familiar faces. Misato and Kaji. I was instantly teleported to when I was 14 again. I missed them, I really did. A smile on each face was refreshing and warming.

"Hey, Shinji" Misato exclaimed as she pulled me in for a cold hug. Her cold jacket broke through the thin layer of the tanktop I was wearing, freezing me.

"Misato, you're gonna freeze Shinji!" Kaji said, pulling his wife off me.

"Shinji's a big boy now! The cold won't get to him" Misato yelled in retaliation before stepping into my apartment and discarding her shoes for a pair of slippers. She and Kaji had their slippers for my place. Purple and navy blue for Misato and Kaji, respectively.

"How's the tsundere princess" Misato joked as she walked into the living room. Asuka stirred slightly before lazily waking up. Her body wiggled its way out of the kotatsu before turning to us.

"Good morning, Asuka" Kaji greeted. If we were 14, I would have expected Asuka to leap all over Kaji and shower him with hugs. But now at the age of 21, I'm glad to say that Asuka has graduated from her immature ways. She waved hello before excusing herself to the bathroom.

"She's such a kid" Misato noted, pouring herself a glass of water before taking a seat next to her husband on the couch. I chuckled at Misato, her own childish antics reminding me of Asuka's. The irregular sleep schedule, their mutual love of beer, and both their antagonistic nature.

"I hope Kenji doesn't become like her" Kaji laughed as he turned on my television. Misato leaned forward to peruse the story that I was writing for class. The assignment was to write a story about the first time you realized that you were an adult or becoming one. It was a coming-to-age of assignment at its core.

"You can't write about piloting the damn Eva, Shinji" Misato noted as she read through my paper.

"It was just an idea, it's not due for another week" I muttered, my attention focused on placing the food in the claypot filled with a miso stock. I didn't really know what to write about. What experience in my life really dictated when I forwent adolescence and became an adult? A difficult question, to say the least. Especially since my past was riddled with adult moments. Not erotic adult moments, actual adult moments. When I had to kill, mangle, destroy, forsake, it was everywhere.

"You should write about the time you and Asuka had a drunk makeout session" Kaji joked, making no attempts at subtlety. A blush quickly flushed my face. It wasn't really that big of deal. It was my birthday, we got drunk, we made out. It ended there.

"Yeah, I can't write about that." I responded.

"Write about what?" I heard Asuka ask as she exited the bathroom.

"No-Nothing" I stammered out, "Food's ready" I brought the pot of Nabe to the table, much to their excitement. Asuka went to the fridge to get some beer.

"None for me" Misato yelled at the girl in front of the fridge.

"Why?" I inquired as I took my place under the kotatsu. I got my answer when Misato blushed and looked meekly away. My heart cheered and soared, my stomach erupted. A smile couldn't contain itself on my face. My eyes lit up like the stars.

"We're pregnant" Kaji said, his face in a blissful smile.

"I wanted to tell them, you bum" Misato pouted before breaking out into a smile. I couldn't help but feel happy as hell for them.

"Feel free to not come over until it's done" Asuka chimed in, much to my chagrin. Yes, when Misato was pregnant with Kenji (roughly 5 years ago), she went a tad off the hormonal end. She was emotionally distressed and crazy, something only Kaji could deal with. She wanted a goddamn pickle at 3 in the morning. How does that even work? She woke us up because she wanted a goddamn pickle. And the sad part was...we got it for her.

"It wasn't that bad, Asuka!" Misato yelled back. Kaji and I groaned in response, she'd didn't really know how bad it really was. It was a terrible experience.

"Come on, can't God handle a pregnant woman?" Misato teased, clearly directed at me. She knew I hated being compared to the omnipotent figure of god. I wasn't god. I was a mere fucking human who was toyed with and manipulated into a role that I didn't want.

"Don't call me...god" I muttered, my voice shaking. My fist slammed into the ground, shaking the earth. I hated being called god. It wasn't funny. I'm not god. I never wanted to be god.

"Calm down, Idiot. It was a joke" Asuka said, sitting down next to me. I calmed down.

"Let's eat!" Kaji announced, removing the lid on the pot releasing all the delicious smells. My mouth watered as I lapped up a piece of beef into my mouth. Yes, there was a slight burn, but it was delicious. I hadn't felt this happy in a long while.

* * *

It was 1 am when I heard a knock on the door. There was a little bit of booze left in my system. The ground was cold to the touch, and I tiptoed across my room and to the door. It was eerily silent except for the snow that battered the window. My eyes were barely open as I peered through the peephole. I saw someone. Blue hair. I unlocked the door. Red eyes. Wry Smile. Son of a bitch. I must be hallucinating.

"Hey, Shinji" the apparition greeted. I shut the door. I was way too tired for this, it was 1 am. If it was him, I'd deal with his ass in the morning. It was far too cold for me to bother with this as well. I heard it knock again and again and again. Son of a gun. I had work tomorrow. I did not have time to deal with this. But...if it was him, I'd like to see him again. I turned around and grasped the cold doorknob. I was scared. So scared I didn't want to turn it. I wanted to run. I opened the door, to be greeted with the same face. The same wry smile that I had come to associate with him. It was Kaworu. Except older.

"I missed you, buddy" was all I could muster before giving the angel a hug. All these years, I wished and dreamed that I could have my old friend back. Even if he was an angel. Even if I was his murderer. He...he was my friend. He felt warm. He was real. Before I knew it, the tears flowed. The tears that I had held back for 8 years rained down on his blue hair. I missed him. He was there for me.

"Can I come in? I'm kind of cold" he asked, muffled into my chest. I invited him in, handing him a pair of slippers. His outfit didn't change from the last time I saw him. In that weird dream when I became God. The same uniform from middle school except bigger to accommodate his matured body. I turned on the lights as well as the kotatsu and pour two glasses of water, motioning for him to sit under the kotatsu.

"Here" I said, handing him the glass of water. I should call Asuka. But knowing her, she wouldn't come. Plus she didn't really know Kaworu, and I didn't want her meeting an angel. It was kind of...well not kind of. It was her enemy. I sat down across from him, the warmth from under the kotatsu spreading through my legs and into my torso.

"Nice place you got here" Kaworu said as he surveyed his room. Questions. Questions. So many questions I felt the need to ask. Where was Rei? Why are you here? All of them.

"Why are you here"

"Because I am. Don't you want me here?" This question. It was like having my arm cut off, my brain hammered, my torso shredded apart. I wanted everyone that I had lost back. Even my father. I missed it. I missed that rush, that satisfaction I got. But to relive it? That was an entirely different story.

"No."

"Why not, Mr. Pilot?" he taunted. I felt my heart beat faster, my lungs expand and deflate faster, I felt my blood flow to my brain faster, I felt him crawling out of my head faster.

"I lived 8 years. Peaceful years."

"Why does that even matter?"

"BECAUSE IF YOU'RE BACK. THEY'RE ALL BACK" I yelled, my mind contorted with equal parts anger and fear. I didn't want to go back into that machine. Fighting in fear, living without power at the hands of everybody else. I was finally Shinji Ikari instead of him, that boy, the third child. If they were back, I was back to being a status rather than a person. More importantly, Asuka would break. That look in her eyes, the scars on her wrist.

"What if we are all back?" He asked, "what if your happiness was a fallacy?" His words surged through my body, enticing my anger.

"I worked so hard…" was all I could mutter only for him to chuckle.

"I met your dad in the afterlife" Kaworu said after a minute of deadly silence. I looked at him. Nothing. I felt nothing.

"He never hated you, Shinji" was his follow-up. Terrible follow up, might I add. Still, I felt nothing.

"He wanted me to tell you that, if it makes you feel better"

"Did you meet my mom?"

"Well, not exactly. She's in outer space if you recall."

"Why are you back?"

"Unfinished business" An ambiguous answer once again. I don't know what I expected from the cryptic angel. Hell, the last 8 years I built were a lie. It was going to collapse again. Humanity was going to hell again. The baby Misato was nurturing in her womb would never get to see the light...never get to see the wonderful blue sea, that was once stained with red.

"I can't kill you again." I looked up into his red eyes. I wonder what he saw. I wonder what he's thinking about as I told him that. Year after year, I pondered on what he was seeing and thinking as he watched a 14 year old self-destruct. I wondered if he was actually my friend. Or was he just there to make sure I induced 3rd Impact? Either way, I became his reluctant God.

"None of this happiness is real." he said, taking a sip of his water. I continued studying him.

"I want it to be real" I responded.

"You can't do that"

"Why not?"

"Because you aren't god"

"No, I am God."

"You're a God who is just a pawn. Your father controlled you. Your mother controlled you. Asuka never loved you. NO ONE LOVED YOU."

"You're disgusting" was all I could muster.

* * *

Her words echoed in my ears. Why was I choking her? Where was I? Why am I back here? It was fake. FUCK. FUCKKK. FUCKKKKKKK. Shit, everything was fake. Everything. Her face. Her face was real. Her touch was real. She was real. I was back to where I began. Back on that beach 8 years ago or was it 8 years ago? Tears. I felt them roll down my face. Frantically escaping my eyes, pouring down my chin, onto her face.

"Asuka…"

"Why are you crying?"

"Because...you're real"


	2. 1 - My Unit 01

Author's Note/Disclaimer: I don't own NGE. This might seem a tad slow at first because it is. It will take some time to get fully a-trekkin. Just give it some time. Writing 10k+ words takes a toll.

* * *

My Unit 01

by Dorian Express

* * *

It was fake. Everything that I had come to know and live was fake. 8 years down the drain. It was fake. Fake. Fake. FAKE. His words echoed in my head. His words hurt more than any angel attack. The perfect world where I was finally happy was fake. Why would God play a trick on me? Why I trick myself? I peered down at her, hoping she had an answer. But I could not muster words from my mouth, unable to break the eerie silence that surrounded us. All I could do was crumbled into her. I missed that Asuka, my Asuka. The one that I had a drunken encounter with, the one that I exclusively shared my birthday with. The one that could sleep next to me. The one that anchored me. I wanted that one. To hold her one more time.

"Get off me" the woman from underneath me commanded. Even her voice was different.

"Give me a second." Her hair still had the faint smell of LCL. Everything around us had the faint scent of LCL, seeing as there was an entire sea of LCL behind us. Not to mention, a decapitated giant Rei head.

"I'm sore all over, you idiot. Get the fuck off me" the redhead underneath me muttered, an audible malice present in her tone. Reluctantly, I rolled off her into the soft sand. I was 14 again. I was 14, yet I was 21. The sky was red once again. Everything was red. I just wanted to lie there. Lie in a world void of emotion, life, and humanity. Just a bunch of souls wandering aimlessly in a vat of red liquid. Life was null again, just a blank slate.

"Let's get outta here" the girl to my left stated. I didn't respond. I didn't feel the need to. She wasn't my Asuka. My Asuka lived in my head. Hell, we had a kid together. We got married at the age of 27. She was a doctor, I was a published writer. We had two kids together, who gave us 4 grandkids. We lived happily ever after. It was suppose to be like that. I was suppose to tell her that I loved her. Never again though. Never again will I get that chance to kiss her, soberly. Never will I be able to touch her soft hair. I won't experience our first winter together nor would we experience our last. It was but a fallacy. Everything. I couldn't even cry. It wasn't even real.

A tug. I felt a weak tug on my left elbow. Why was she tugging at me? Why did it even matter? Her touch was cold, snared by the cold ocean breeze. Why won't it go back? I made it go back once before, I made the sun rise, the rain fall, the grass grow. I made life. I created and I played the role of God perfectly. I didn't do too much and I righted my wrongs. I created a blissful, easy world to live in. It was...it was suppose to be perfect. The sky that I was facing was suppose to be a light blue dusted with clouds, not a blood red. The ocean was suppose to be a dazzling blue green, tasting of salt and filled with life. Not this goddamn ocean of lost souls and fallen gods. It wasn't suppose to be like this.

"Let's go, we can't stay here" was all she said. Her voice barely reached my ears.

"Why not?" was all I could respond.

"Stop being an idiot!" she yelled, giving me a weak tug. I looked up at her. Her face was flushed, her red hair messily draped over her tattered plug suit. It had been ages since I saw her in her plugsuit. It suited her more than a sundress. I slowly lifted myself off the ground. She looked fragile, weak to the bone. The slightest wind could have pushed her over. But there was no wind, the world had stopped.

"Can you help me? Jesus, I can barely move" she yelled, her body shaking in the cool wind. I guided her bandaged arm around my shoulder, using my other hand to offer her support. The irony. Evas did more damage to her than Angels ever did. We walked, our back to the giant soulless head. The city was deserted, empty, void of life. Perfectly quiet. The streets were cluttered with broken cars, tattered clothing. We were in Tokyo-3 or whatever was left of it. She was surprisingly light as we slowly maneuvered around the cracked street.

"How come you're here?" I asked her. There was no response.

"How com-"

"I don't know, Shinji" she responded. She rarely called me by my name without adding Idiot.

"Let's find somewhere to sleep," she suggested, "I'm dead tired"

"Me, too"

"But where are we?"

"Hell" was my answer. This was hell. It had to be hell.

"I was going to say Tokyo-3, smartass" She answered sarcastically. She pointed at a small mall ahead. It was a small shopping mall near our school. It was a shell of its former self. Broken glass shards littered the floor and the electricity was off for most of the store.

"At least some of the lights work…" She muttered as we scanned the small mall. Visions of Toji and Kensuke flashed before my eyes. An echo of laughter, children's laughter in this soiled, shitty world. The two of us half-walked, half-limped to the nearest convenience store. For the most part, it wasn't completely destroyed. Scattered on the floor were bags of chips, snacks, and bottles of fresh water. Water. The two of us slowly limped over to the fallen concessions, fatigue finally getting the best of us. We walked over an hour, but we didn't get so far that we couldn't see that head in the ocean. I faced her, her back leaning against the shelves.

In the dim light, I could barely make out her face. As my vision readjusted itself, I saw her for who she really was. She was scared. A small cut on her lips, the bandages around her eye, the faint LCL stains on her skin, her split hair. But, it wasn't Asuka. Not the Asuka that I came to love. The Asuka I came to know had these...these bright blue eyes full of life and passion. But, she had eyes full of fear, and void of passion. It was like looking at her shell.

"So, what did you see?" She asked after a couple minutes of silent rest.

"I saw...I saw everything. I saw a world where we were happy, where we were normal, where everything wasn't a goddamn concentration camp. I saw a bright blue sky, green grass, blue sea. We had friends, we had eachother. We...we...we were suppose to be real" Shit, shit, SHIT. SHIT. It wasn't suppose to be like this. None of this was suppose to be like this. I wasn't suppose to be crying, I was suppose to be cooking breakfast for Asuka or something. I don't even know.

"How about you?" I asked after a minute.

"Well, I don't know what I saw. I just...woke up"

"You got lucky…" was the end of our conversation. I grabbed a bottle of water on the floor and took a hefty swig of it. The cool taste infiltrated my mouth, quenching my thirst. I looked across at her, her face wincing in pain as the water aggravated the cuts in her mouth. Her pain was probably far worse, she got stabbed and eaten for god sake.

"Hey...did you miss me?" I asked, interrupting the eerie silence that we took solace in.

"Yeah, I did." she responded after a second or two.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I didn't pilot it" I apologized. Those words cut deep. Backstabbing myself, I was back to the old me. Ha.

"Shinji, you left me to die…" was her response. I did. I left a girl that I piloted with, fought with, lived with...to die. To die alone and scared. And I did nothing. Not because I was powerless, but because...because…

"I fucked up"

"Let's talk about this another time. Go collect look for small bag and collect some food supplies" She commanded. I did as she commanded and I lifted my body off the ground. I scanned the aisle, searching for a backpack. In one of the aisles, there was a backpack...on top of a set of clothes. Empty clothes. A couple hours ago, there could have been a healthy student, a bright future ahead, before he turned into soulless orange glop. I leaned over and picked up the backpack and emptied its contents onto the ground. Just pencils and pens and a notebook or two.

I threw whatever seemed quick and transportable into the backpack. Just a couple cups of ramen, a few bottles of water, and some fruit that was lying around. I walked back to her and sat down beside her. She was asleep. At least she looked at peace this way. She was still Asuka, just younger. I had to remember she was still Asuka. That Asuka? The one that the 21 year old me fell in love with? She didn't exist, and...that was fine. That was fine. I don't know, it should be fine.

I stealthily snaked my arm around her shoulder, contracting it around her shoulder. Her head rested on my shoulder, and in that moment, the world felt...okay again. I just sat there, thinking about what Kaworu told me. Unfinished business. What was unfinished though? But, that was for another time. I don't remember the last time I was with this Asuka. The one who was strong, yet fragile. I knew she didn't like me holding her like this. It was probably because I was such a weakling. Invincible, my ass.

An hour or so passed before she began to rustle. Her body beckoned against mine and I reluctantly relented. I glanced as she rubbed the sleepiness out of her good eye.

"Why are we just sitting here?" she asked as her sleepiness wore off.

"Because you were asleep"

"You should have woken me up, Idiot!" She yelled angrily.

"Well, excuse me for letting you fucking sleep!" I yelled back, matching her voice. I may still be 14, but I still remembered what I learned in those 8 fake years.

"We have priorities! We need to get a fire started and we need to find shelter!" She retorted. I got up, tired of arguing with the girl, and grabbed her elbow helping her up. Like it or not, that hour of sleeping helped her recover some of her movement. She wasn't limping as much and some of strength returned. But still, being needed felt kind of nice. Even if it was the most ungrateful girl in the whole world.

The world outside didn't change. The sky was still red, the wind was still bitter and laced with the faint smell of LCL. I clenched Asuka close as we made our way down the eerily empty streets. I could almost feel them reaching out for us. Those ethereal bodies unable to grasp that they weren't human anymore. Reaching for me, the one who made them that way. They were my ghosts as much as they were their own ghost.

"Let's settle down in one of these houses," She demanded, pointing her bandaged arm at one of the suburban houses. On that street, only two or three of them weren't completely destroyed. There was a flicker of light in the 3rd house down, so we slowly waddled over to it. Her body weight had started to make my calves feel sore and tired. I wasn't as strong as I used to be or will be. In time, we reached the front door. Looking back, the sight of the beach was long gone. Her face was long gone.

I reached for the doorknob and twisted, expecting resistance. Much to my surprise, the door wasn't locked. I pushed it open and with the last of my strength, I led her into what I thought was the living room. The room itself was pretty well furnished. As I helped a weak girl onto the couch, where her body slumped into the soft cushion. Her eye closed, she drifted off to sleep. I scanned the room.

The room told a story. I picked up a small picture of a family off the table next to the couch. A day at the beach. Two small kids, one boy, one girl, both being held by their mother and father. Smiles. Smiles all around. Something I stole. Everywhere I looked, I saw remnants of individual story that came to an abrupt end because I was...I was just too weak to stand up and say something, do something. Kaworu was right...I had no right to love or happiness. The fundamental right to pursue happiness? No, not for me.

"Cook something for me, idiot" the bandaged pilot on the couch moaned. Her eyes weren't even open, she just commanded me in her sleep. I couldn't help but let a chuckle out. I haven't had that told to me in a long, long time. I missed it, despite all the emotional crap she put me through, I missed it.

"Okay, I'll make us some ramen" I responded, before heading into the kitchen of our new home. The first step was to check if the stove worked, if it worked, the heater worked. I walked over to the stove and turned the dial to "start". Although it took a couple seconds, the stove was light with warm, soothing fire.

"I hope there's water…" as I turned on the faucet. The water was fine as well, but sooner or later, we were going to run out of tap water. There was LCL everywhere and I mean everywhere, we had to clean ourselves as soon as possible. I don't think that she would have liked the remnants of soul juice all over her body. I poured some water into a small kettle, waiting for it to boil. This was a nice kitchen to say the least. I watched her as she napped. Her soft snore was broken by the loud hissing of the boiling water. Ripping off the plastic wrapping of the instant noodles, I pour the boiling water into the plastic bowls containing the noodles.

Carrying the two bowls of noodles, I carefully tiptoed to the sofa, placing the bowls on the coffee table. The sky didn't change. It was still a blood red, marred with death and the scent of LCL. I tapped the sleeping girl, causing her to awake from her gentle slumber. I pointed at the two steaming bowls of sustenance. She leaned over, her hair falling to protect her face from my vision, and she slurped the warm noodles. I followed suit and began eating. It was good.

"Hey, idiot" she initiated.

"Yea" I responded without thinking.

"Do you wanna go back?" she asked, her tone heavy.

"Go back where?"

"To before 3rd Impact?"

"Not really. I don't wanna be labeled as anything other than Shinji Ikari. I don't wanna be my father's toy." I looked over at the redhead. My words had clearly caught her off guard, her eyes introspectively peering into her own thoughts.

"Did you...feel anything for me?" she asked after a few minutes of introspection. Now it was my turn to feel vulnerable.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because we're the last two people here. Might as well air it out" she responded. This was one of those rare moments where we weren't being judged nor put on a fake smile to hide how we truly felt. We were finally alone in this bleak world.

All I could really say was "Did you like me?"

"What?" she asked puzzled.

"The way you act around me...it pissed me off." was all I could muster when facing her. She shrunk. She looked small when she hugged her knees. Now, she was just a misguided girl looking for her mom again. Well, then again, aren't we all sort of misguided?

"It's because all you ever care about is wonder girl…" her voice trailed.

"Don't call her that." was my immediate, albeit weak response.

"Even when she fucked everything up, you still defend her. You don't even care about me" she cried. I still remembered how she cried. Every night. The way she tried so hard to suck in silent breaths in between bouts of tears. The way she came out the next morning looking stronger than ever, but chipped away on the inside.

"I care. Probably too much." I said after a minute of silence. I could only bring myself to say it softly.

"Bullshit, you didn't even visit me in the hospital" she cried. Her tears rained down on her plug suit, conveying her true feelings.

"Yeah, I did. I beg for you to come back..."

"Really?"

"Of course."

Without another word, the independent girl rested her weary head against my shoulder.

"You never answered my question, idiot"

"You have got to be kidding me" I muttered under my breath.

"So tell me whether you love me or not?" she asked again.

I did love her. My mouth opened to tell her.

"I wouldn't tell her that if I were you" someone said. Asuka shot up, her eyes darting around the room. I didn't need to react. I already knew who it was. There was only one person that I knew with that sarcastic, cryptic voice.

"And why is that, Mister God?" I asked sarcastically. Well, I wanted it to come off sarcastically, but it came off as more fearful.

"Shinji, you know who that is?" Asuka asked. She looked like she was ready to pounce, despite her weak condition.

"Shinji, I'm not god. You're the God here" his voice said, this time more localized. He was in front of us, and sure enough, when I turned, I came face to face with him. Kaworu. He had reverted back to our age, his uniform unencumbered by LCL or the scent of death emanating from around us.

"Don't joke with me, Kaworu!" I yelled, my anger getting the best of me. I grabbed his collar, and jerked him around. This son of a bitch. With his smug eyes and his wry smile. I'll fucking kill him. I swear to god, I could do it once. I could do it again. If...if I had my eva, I'd murder the son of a bitch.

"Who is he, Shinji?" Asuka yelled. She was scared. She was unknowing. I wan-I wanted to protect her this time. I wouldn't let him get to her. Not this time.

"His nam-" I began before it interrupted me.

**"How would you like a second chance?"**

"A...a second chance?" I asked, my anger receding from my the edges of my voice. I felt her hand grip my elbow, causing me to fall back on the couch. I looked over at her face. If I had one word to describe it, it was fear. But I hadn't the vaguest idea as to why she was scared.

"Yes, Ikari-kun" a familiar voice from behind called. That voice was familiar. My heart pounded my chest as I contemplated why she was back. She was dead. I killed her. I rejected her. She couldn't be here. Impossible. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. What was going on? I'm confused. What can I do? What should I do? It was impossible. Impossible. How? Why?

"Shinji, calm down" Kaworu joked, chuckling to himself. I had to calm down. Calm down. Asuka was relying on me to be the rational one, the sane one. Of course, I had to be the sane one. Instead, I was the guy who was practically catatonic 24 hours ago or 8 years ago. I took a deep breath in, my heart calming itself with me. I turned around and came face to face with Rei. Her face was a breath of fresh air as much as it was scary.

"Why is...why is she here?" Asuka stammered, clearly overwhelmed. I didn't blame her. A minute ago, it was we were just the last two humans in the world. Now there were 4 people and 1 of them was suppose to be a giant dislodged head in a sea of salt water and souls. Rei's presence threw me for a loop. I wanted to touch her, yet at the same time, she disgusted me.

"You see, Kami-sama, only you're suppose to be here. Now, let me explain. Or would you rather Rei? No? Okay. When you rejected Instrumentality, only you should have come back. You were god in those moments, and you're still god now. But, let's just say...you can't handle it." Kaworu explained, much to my confusion.

"I can't handle it?"

"No, you couldn't. Let's not forget, you're a emotionally scarred 14 year old boy! Not even a man yet. It's not that easy to become God. Have you heard of Freud, Asuka?" Kaworu asked, this time his question directed at the stunned redhead next to me. Asuka nodded slowly, her demeanor unchanged.

"Well, I'm going to dumb it down for Shinji-kun. Freud came up with the theory that there are 3 parts of your personality. And well, since your personality was essentially destroyed during the whole process, you had to begin anew. The first component is your Id. She's your Id" Kaworu explained, pointing his index finger at Asuka.

"Your Id represents your basic wants, desires. Primitive or not, she is your most basic desire. You thrive for her, you want her, you need her." Kaworu continued, much to my chagrin. To my right, I felt Asuka's good hand squeeze my arm. There was a slight prick from her nails, digging through her plugsuit.

"I am your Ego. I deal with how you perceive reality. That's why you hate me and that's why you want to kill me and what not. It's because I am your reality, like it or not." Kaworu continued, his explanation offering more questions than answers. But, instead of interjecting with my questions, I let Kaworu or my ego explain.

"Rei is your Super Ego, which developed last...and the least. Normally, it'd develop at the age of 5 or so and it reflects what society taught you. It's suppose to make _me_ act morally and it's suppose to restrict your _Id_." Kaworu said, before point at me.

"Questions?" He asked sarcastically.

"How come Asuka's the only one that's real?" was my first question.

"Because it's the only one that exists." he answered

"I don't know what that means…"

"Next question, pleaseee!" Kaworu yelled, his voice riddled with sarcasm.

"Why the fuck is Wondergirl here?" Asuka yelled before I had a chance to ask my next question.

"Kaworu and I are figments projected by Shinji's damaged psyche. We are the two he is most familiar with, therefore we are the two he created to represent him." the blank woman from behind me explained, her voice devoid of emotion. I didn't even need to face her to know the expression on her face.

"What did you mean by second chance?" I asked after a second of awkward silence.

"Ding Ding Ding! Finally, the white elephant in the room" Kaworu chuckled, "Rei-chan, take it away!" His laughter filled the room. Almost a crazy, fanatic laughter. Barely contained. Was he my perception of reality? From what I remembered from Freud is that the Ego is how a person deals with reality that satisfies the desires of the Id. But then again, I read about Freud when I was like 12 or something.

"We are giving you a second chance to do right by yourself and this world. So you can right the wrongs that we collectively have committed." Rei explained. Her words lit something in me, something that I had extinguished long ago.

"Why though? Why would you give the most fucked up person in this room a second chance?" I asked. I knew I was going to fuck something up again, it was inevitable.

"Because you deserve it." Asuka answered softly, but commandingly. I didn't expect her to answer nor did I expect her to say that. But...I didn't deserve it. I knew I didn't deserve it. There were people who were more gifted than me, more special than me, better than me, and they were swimming in a sea-size vat of LCL. They deserved a chance at life, a chance to dream and live and everything. Not me. Not someone who...who ran away because it hurt too much. Definitely not someone who masturbated to your comatose love/hate interest and then proceeds to cry himself to sleep. The kid who cried and cried and gotten so many people killed for his own selfish reasons. This child sitting amongst apparitions perpetuated by his own fractured mind.

"Before you continue disparaging yourself in your head, Shinji-chan, it is because you are like this that you can go back and change. People who lead perfect lives don't wish to go back and work for something better. I've given you a glimpse of what you could have, what everyone could have if you choose to go back to the first time you entered that awful machine." The young man in front of me explained.

"How can you even do this for me?" my meek voice escaped my throat. I was scared.

"Because I'm here to make you happy. I can do this because I am part of you, and you are all of me. You are a practical god in this world, your existence breaks the laws of physics, the space-time continuum. Everything. You are an anomaly in this world, but you're too damaged to do anything about this world. Now let me ask you this: Do you want to be happy?" His question to me was simple. The answer should always be yes. Always. For everyone.

"No. I don't deserve happiness." was my answer. Everyone deserved happiness. Asuka. Rei. Misato. Kaji. Ritsuko. Toji. Kensuke. Hikari. Even my father. They deserved a world where they had a warm home to go to. A place where there were no tears, no nightmares, no scars, just smiles. Not a wry smile like Kaworu had on. Not a fake smile that I put on. Or a sadistic smile like my father's. Rather, I think everyone deserves to smile like Asuka would.

"Everyone deserves happiness" the voice from behind me refuted. Shattered.

"Why do I deserve to be happy? What have I done to be deserve any form of happiness?" I yelled. Asuka was surprisingly quiet. Not a squeak of her voice had even escaped her mouth. But her angst was transferred through her squeezing, her fear was expressed through her hands. Her incomprehension was written across her face, her want was in her eyes. I knew it. She didn't want to be here. Who would want to be in this shitty lonely world?

"Even if you don't feel like you deserve it, you should try and give everyone else a second chance." The girl clinging to me expressed. It wasn't like her to say that. It wasn't like her to rely on someone. Especially on me.

"What do I have to do?" I reluctantly accepted after another minute.

"So, do you accept?" his voice called.

"Yea..I'll go back." I sighed.

"It'll be okay, Shinji-kun. You won't be alone" his voice once again calling to me. My eyes escape the prisons formed by my palms and looked up at him.

"Can I have a talk with Asuka first?"

"Sure" and with that, they were wisped away. Vanished into the wind.

"Asuka, do you want me to go back?" I asked the redhead next to me.

"Shinji, I'm not even real. I'm just a manifestation of your desires" she responded, her voice low and timid.  
"No, you're not. You're Asuka...and I really do love you." It was hard to say. It was hard to tell someone that I was going to leave behind for a 3rd or 4th time this. Tears flew from my eyes like rain. Again. It had to be again.

"I don't wanna leave you behind, Asuka. I don't…" I cried. I pulled the redhead in for a hug, a tight hug. Even through the cold plugsuit, I could feel the thumping of her beating heart. She was real and she was alive. But she was going to be gone soon.

"I hate all these circumstances. But...I don't wanna see you cry anymore." I continued, my tears soaking her hair. Her arms wrapped around my waist, her face soaking my shirt with her tears.

"When I go back there...I'll make you happy. I promise Asuka" I promised.

"Is Adam ready to go back?" he asked. Unable to face him, I could only nod. I wanted to feel her for a second longer, a minute more.

"Good luck, Shinji..." were his last words to me. In the end, Asuka could never tell me how she really felt. It was okay. No, it actually wasn't okay.

* * *

"So you decided to go back…" He said in my father's voice. Who was he? I looked up or down, but my eyes met me. I was sitting in that train car again, the background softly rattling as it moved. I looked up at myself, a child me, holding that shitty SDAT that I had come to love and resent.

"Yeah…" I responded staring at my feet.

"Why though?" The child said, this time in Misato's voice.

"Because...because…" I began, but unable to finish.

"Because you want to correct yourself? Right your wrongs?" He said, shifting into Ritsuko's voice.

"Yeah, something along those lines"

"What if you can't? What if you're stuck like this?" The child retorted, this time using Asuka's voice. He sounded scared.

"I'd rather try and fail rather than fail without trying…" I answered, even I unsure of my cause.

"You can't run away" my mom called.

"I won't run away any longer" I repeated.

* * *

It was black again. It was warm. It felt like home. I missed this. I missed being inside of it. I missed my Eva.

"All you have to do is imagine you're walking" a familiar voice said. Dr. Ritsuko. She was giving me the worst instructions possible. Imagine I'm walking. I'm walking to my death. Unprepared and unarmed. Breath in. Breath out. The LCL filled my lungs. I was repulsed, yet oddly satisfied with it. I wonder how Asuka was doing.

"Dock Unit-01 on Launching Pad 3!" Misato yelled. I didn't move. I didn't say a word. There was no need. I knew my goal. This time...this time around I wasn't going to be scared and run. I wouldn't need my own mother to take over to protect her son because he was weak. I wasn't going to have it damage me.

In the back of my head, I heard Kaworu's voice ask me "Are you ready?" _Yeah_. _Yeah_, I was. Asuka flashed in my mind. Not the Asuka that I had come to know nor was it the Asuka that I had come to know as my desires, rather it was the Asuka that I was going to know. The Asuka that reveled in the face of adversity, yet couldn't face the adversity within herself. The contradiction that mirrored my own insecurities.

"Unit-01, LAUNCH" Misato commanded, and I was immediately met with the push of gravity as my Eva's body ascended to the scarred world above. Fear? Fear was the last thing on my mind at this point. There were people I had to protect, people I had to give a second chance to, people..people that depend on me to shield them from the devastation that I'll cause.

I opened my eyes for the first time. Like I was exiting my mother's womb for the first time. It was night time. The sky was blanketed with stars, all condescendingly peering down on me. In front of me was the first Angel I had ever met. The one that had almost killed me when I first arrived, the one that took an N०2 bomb to the face. The one that sent me into a feared frenzy and scarred me.

"Just walk, right?" I asked, expecting no response.

"Just walk, Shinji." Misato confirmed. Her voice soothed me, it was refreshing to hear. I wasn't going to let her die again. I wasn't going to let her cry again. This time, I was going to be my Eva and it wasn't going to be me. My unit lifted leg and I took my first step. The satisfying crunch of the ground reached my ears as my foot made impact. I reached for the combat knife holstered in my right binder and with a flick of my mind, it opened, revealing the trusty knife.

The angel had finally turned it's attention to me. It's name was Sachiel if I remembered correctly. It wasn't a slow Angel by any means, a rather standard grunt if you asked me. I took a second step forward, waiting to engage the Angel. The angel responded with a charge. I sidestepped it's charge, before giving it a shift kick. It felt good. It felt amazing to fight again. This adrenaline was...addictive to say the least. Sachiel swiftly recovered before making another attempt at attacking me.

This time, I attacked first. With a quick round house kick, I slammed Sachiel into the buildings to my left. I wasted no time in assaulting it. I raised the knife, my aim at it's heart, and I took the plunge. However, like all Angels, Sachiel repelled my attack with his AT Field.

"DODGE!" Misato screamed over the intercom as Sachiel's eyes gleamed. I was hit with the immediate burn of it's blast. It was a searing pain, agonizing all over my body as Unit 1 was burned. My lungs stopped moving as I endured the pain.

"This is nothing" I breathed heavily as I regained composure. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed Sachiel's arm and pulled him towards me. At the same time, I stabbed him with my Progressive Knife. An Angel's AT field could only be enforced from a certain distance from its body, if something is in it, it cannot be deployed. It was one of the more useful things I learned in combat. My anger took control and I kept stabbing. Stab. STAB. STABB.

"DIE. DIE. DIEEEE" I screamed internally as I rhythmically and barbarically stabbed Sachiel. If it had a face, it would be a contorted in pain. It would be scared. it had to be scared. Because...you don't fuck with God. Its body withered in pain as it was held forcefully in place as I repeatedly stabbed its core. In a last ditch effort, Sachiel wrapped its remaining arm around my Unit, and promptly, with the last of its energy, exploded in a beautiful violet light. It rained blood. The burning sensation didn't last long. But the pitter patter of the blood on me would last forever.

"It's good to be back" I muttered under my breath before blacking out.

* * *

A white ceiling. I looked out to see a blue sky. Blissful. No sound. Just...just my breathing. How long? How long until I saw my friends again? The first time round, these weren't the thoughts flowing around in my head. The door slid open to reveal my guardian, Misato. She looked cheery, her purple hair bouncing as she made long, graceful strides into the blank hospital room.

"Hey, Shinji, how are you doing?" I heard her ask. I turned my head and caught my first glimpse of her. My heart...it pounded erratically against my chest. My vision became blurry. I propelled myself off the bed, ripping the heart rate monitor off my finger, and flung my arms around Misato. I hugged her tight, her warmth emanating through her jacket. I missed her so much.

"Whoa there, big guy!" Misato joked as she created space between me and her. I forgot. I forgot she didn't remember me, she didn't remember that she was my guardian or my savior. I was just some fucked up 14 year old. I wiped the tears off my face before apologizing to her.

"There's no need to be sorry," Misato joked, clearly uncomfortable, "Come on, let's go" She tossed me a duffel bag before leaving the room. Inside contained my usual white shirt and pants and a pair a shoes.

"So, we're going back to NERV right now to deal with your living situation" Misato stated as we waited for the elevator to arrive. The hospital was eerily empty, save for the a couple personnel. The chirp of the birds faded into the background, masked by the mechanical humming of the ascending elevator. Misato stood silently to my side, patiently waiting for the elevator. I knew who I was going to come face to face with and quite frankly, I was either looking forward to seeing him or dreading it.

The door opened to reveal my father who made no attempt at greeting me nor making eye contact me. It was plain obvious that he was avoiding me, but I was going to make it clear that...I was not one to be ignored. Not this time. I wouldn't give him the sadistic satisfaction of manipulating me this time around.

"Hello, Father." I greeted, not giving my guardian a chance to begin. I looked up at the bespectacled Hitler-lite and for the first time, looked him in his dead fish eyes. As per usual, I couldn't tell what he wanted or how he felt.

"Hello, Shinji." he returned his greeting before the elevator door closed. I knew where he was going, there wasn't a need to ask. He was going to visit Rei Ayanami, the 1st Child. The blank slate of a person that I was sure to meet, and this time, I wasn't going to let her slip through the cracks of my fingers into his palms.

"I wonder where he was going" Misato wondered out loud as the elevator left.

"I'm pretty sure he's going to visit Rei" I responded.

"Hmmm, seems about right! Oh yeah, nice job out there the other day. You did a great job" Misato complimented as the elevator arrived. Her voice provided me some solace, a home. She meant it this time, without an ounce of sarcasm or pity in her voice.

"Yeah, thanks. So where are we going again?" I asked as we walked into the cramped elevator.

"To NERV! I already told you" Misato complained jokingly. NERV? I hadn't been inside NERV since those SWAT soldiers invaded and practically slaughtered everyone inside. The steel deathtrap that housed Lilith, the progenitor of my Unit.

* * *

"So, do you have any hobbies, Shinji-kun?" Misato asked as we rode in her banged up car, the nearly detached license plate clanging on the weary metal as the car sped through the empty freeway. Gazing on Tokyo-3 again was almost as precious as it was the first time. The only difference is that I had a sense of appreciation for the massive fortress. It was suppose to be home rather than a play I stayed.

"Hey, Shinji, are you listening?" Misato exclaimed, breaking me out of my trance.

"Sorry, what was the question?" I asked.

"Jeez, I asked if you have any hobbies?" she repeated.

"I enjoy playing the cello. It's pretty relaxing" I responded.

"Oh really? That's pretty cool. What do you play?"

"I don't really know sheet music that well, I'm more of an ad libber" I chuckled. Asuka used to love when I played cello, it helped her go to bed during those bad nights. Especially after the whole reconstruction of the world thing, she always wanted me to play the cello so she could sleep nightmare-free.

"Regardless, that's pretty cool. When can I hear you play?" Misato joked, her eyes facing forward on the empty highway. Come to think of it, I had never played for her ever. I was just a pest most of the time.

"How would you be able to?" I responded, hoping to edge on my future-past guardian. I enjoyed living with her, despite her bad habits. It was nice to have someone who genuinely cared about you.

"That's about right! In the end, I'm just a lonely, old Major" Misato laughed.

"Hey, uhhh...do you need a roommate?" I asked. To my surprise, she stopped in the middle of the empty freeway and faced me.

"I have two empty rooms, why?" her face was a mixture of confused and happy.

"I'm kind of tired of being alone...you know." I revealed. I averted my eyes from her intense gaze. Before I knew it, her arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace.

"Yeah, I can arrange for you to live with me. Whatever you want Shinji" Misato whispered into my head. I nodded into her chest. We sat there immobilized for a minute, indulging in each other's warmth. I never really knew what Misato went through nor did I ever take the chance to take notice. I was far too wrapped up in my own narcissistic and self-depriving lifestyle to ever take notice of anyone other than myself. After a minute or two, Misato let go, her eyes slightly wet. She shifted herself back into the driver seat and hit the throttle.

"So how was it piloting the Eva for the first time?" Misato asked after a couple minutes of silent driving.

"It was...warm." I replied after a couple seconds of contemplation.

"Warm?" she inquired.

"It felt...kind of like home. When I fought with her-" I began explaining before Misato interjected with another question.

"Her? Unit 01 is a her?"

"I don't know. But it felt like she was protecting me. Like a mother would. I can't exactly explain it, but being in that Eva...felt nice. Nostalgic." I explained, trying my best to use the correct vocabulary to express myself without my secret away.

"That kind of makes sense...I guess." Misato chimed as we entered the tunnel into the Geofront. It was a geological phenomenon, it housed a lake and an entire forest and could house a city. It was one of the most advanced technological feats mankind had ever created. It was a beautiful, despite the war front that it would inevitably devolve into.

* * *

"Yeah, he's coming with me! I don't care! I'll take responsibilty. Just send his stuff over to my place" Misato argued over the telephone as I sat motionless on one of the benches in the hallway. Despite the central air system that NERV employed, Shinji felt cold. Down below, he knew that there was a monstrosity waiting to be unleashed onto mankind. The end goal. This pyramid was but an anthill for the Angels, who were desperate.

"Okay, Shinji's let's go!" Misato exclaimed, a slight anger remaining in her voice. Her stride was quick and fluid, conveying her desire to leave this soul sucking corporate hell.

"So, I take it I'm all good to stay at your place." I asked as we entered the elevator. Misato's previous scowl turned into an overjoyed smile.

"I'll take that as a yes, then" I said, returning her smile with a meek one of my own.

I was outside the apartment. Memories. Too many came to me. There were too many to count. I just stood there for a second, much to Misato's confusion. Home. While being inside the Eva felt like home, this place was home. Pen pen. Misato. And eventually, Asuka. I remember it like it was yesterday. I'd wake up, make breakfast, call Asuka to wake up, I'd make us our lunch, and we'd eat breakfast together and head off to school by the time Misato got up. It hurt. My heart ached for those times, ached for a chance to redeem myself. To wake up to a familiar ceiling, walk into a heartwarming living room, greeted by the grumpy german and my hungover guardian. It...it was almost a dream to be back here. I missed it so much.

"Shinji! Are you listening?" Misato called, unable to draw me out of my nostalgic trance. I walked through the doorway, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm home…" I muttered, my voice shaking a bit. Waves. Waves of feelings crashed against the very being of my tattered soul. It bandaged me, even for a little bit. Home has this weird, but benevolent power to instantly remedy all your problems and give you a safe refuge from the pain and suffering beyond the powerful threshold that is the door. That's the type of home that everyone should seek to provide and live in. There can be no substitution.

"Welcome home, Shinji!" Misato exclaimed, carefully caressing the falling tears from my eyes before giving me a warm welcome home hug. For the first time, I felt like being the protector rather than the protected. I didn't feel like running anymore. Even if I don't deserve my own shot at happiness, Misato deserved her own. She deserved to have her two kids with Kaji, she deserved to grow old, she deserved to look back on her life and be content.

"So, how about I show you to your room?" Misato asked after a tearful hug between two time-lost friends. I nodded, following suit. I kicked off my shoes and slipped on a pair of slippers. The apartment was filled to the brim with boxes and clutter. Most of it were discarded clothing and beer cans, amongst random items. It struck me as the apartment of someone who was constantly busy and unable to unpack.

"Should I help you unpack?" I asked as I scanned the clutter of boxes that obstructed the already narrow hallway.

"Uhhh, it's okay. I'll unpack by myself tomorrow" Misato chuckled as she opened the door to my empty room save for a futon and a pillow. The room had that familiar breeze that flowed through during the night, alleviating the need for a fan. Home...sweet home.

"How do you like it?" Misato chimed as she leaned against the doorway.

"It's...nice." I whispered. Misato muttered something about eating in 10 minutes or so before she left me alone to my thoughts. The significant thing wasn't that I had finally made it home, but that in...in a couple months, Asuka was going to take up residency next door. I had a couple months to better myself so that I, at least, suited her. After setting down my overnight duffel bag and changing from my school uniform into something more comfortable, I set out to the kitchen. Misato had just come out of the shower, her hair still wet. She immediately went over to the refrigerator, and gave me a remarkable view of her beer stash. Rows after rows of Yebisu beer. Misato acted quickly to crack open a beer and take a long chug of it, nearly emptying the can.

"Ahhhhh! Nothing like a cold beer after a warm shower" Misato exclaimed joyously as she slammed the beer can onto the wooden dining table, spilling some of the beer. I chucked along with her as I took a seat at the table. She emphatically finished her beer before reaching for another one.

"Hey, want one?" Misato joked, her free hand clammering for a second beer.

"Sure, why not?" I complied, much to her surprise.

"Uhhh, are you sure? You're a minor!" Misato exclaimed in protest. Her reaction was understandable, to say the least.

"I'm also the pilot of a gigantic robot who just fought an Angel!" I countered, a joking smile etching itself onto my face. Misato nodded in consideration before gently tossing me a cool beer can. I effortlessly popped open the can of alcohol before I took a swig of the bitter liquid. I enjoyed beer to most alcoholic beverages, but I rarely indulged myself. But the taste of it was nostalgic, reinforcing the last memory I had of Misato.

"Don't tell your father!" Misato commanded before reaching into the fridge for some microwaveable dinners.

"Why would I even talk to him?" I joked before placing the can on the table. I had a fairly high tolerance for the drink, but then again, I was 21 when I truly pushed my limits. I didn't know how my 14 year old body would fare against the booze. Needless to say, my first drink of beer was beginning to take a toll on my fresh body. My face felt slightly hot and I could tell that I had developed a slight reddening of the cheeks despite me not being tipsy.

"So, pick your poison?" Misato asked, presenting me with two options. On the right was simple teriyaki chicken and on the left was some beef and onions over rice. I pointed to her left, unable to speak with the can of beer hovering over my mouth as the delicious liquid flooded my throat. Misato placed the beef and onions over rice into my empty hand, sitting down to begin eating her own food.

"Hey, slow down...you're only getting one!" Misato warned as she watched me taking another drink of the almost depleted beer can. I nodded in response, my lucidity beginning to take a dive into inebriation. Man, if my 21-year old self were here, he'd be laughing at my sorry state. The beef and onion slop over rice wasn't exactly appetizing nor did it pair well with the Yebisu. But, it was the only meal of the day and anything tasted good on an empty stomach. Then a thought came to my mind.

"Hey, Misato?" I said, grabbing my guardian's attention. Her gaze shifted from her food to me.

"Hmmm?" she inquired, her mouth full of food.

"Is it possible to train me?" I asked. Misato, in response, choked on her food a little bit before facing me, her face spurned into a confused expression.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Yeah, I wanna...learn how to fight and use a gun and stuff." I explained, staring down at my food, avoiding her contemptuous gaze.

"Where did all this come from?" Misato demanded. Her gaze had quickly changed from normal to her Major gaze.

"If I'm going to pilot the Eva, I should at least be able to do basic military training. Wielding a gun properly, using a knife properly, being properly built for the task. Before I blacked out, I noticed that piloting the Eva can be pretty intensive. I just wanna make sure that I'm capable of protecting people" I explained thoroughly.

"Okay, then. I'll see what I can have arranged. You do know NERV has a gym in the geofront?" Misato replied, her revelation catching my surprise.

"Really? And I can use it?" I asked as I picked at my grotesque meal.

"Yeah, why not? Why do you want to work out again?" Misato chuckled as she polished off her second beer.

"Is it for the ladies? Hmmm, Mr. Shinji?" Misato joked, a devious sparkle in her eyes.

"I just have a feeling that I might meet someone special…" I mumbled, my voice tapering off at the end. Misato backed off and continued eating her food. I grabbed the beer can and forcefully finished it off before tossing it into the trashcan. Misato and I continued to eat in silence, and Misato was visibly tired from today's ordeal.

"Is there anywhere to shop around here? I might want to pick up some new clothes and supplies" I asked as I cleaned up the messy dining table. My question obviously piqued Misato's interest as I probably didn't come off as the style-conscious type. I wasn't before, but as I aged, I learned the importance of looking good and 1st impressions.

"Yeah, I can take you tomorrow if you want me to. There's a pretty nice mall near your school" Misato agreed before turning her attention back to the television screen. I nodded before heading to my room to get a fresh pair of boxers for the shower. In my room was a fresh towel that Misato must have placed there when I was cleaning up.

"I'm going to take a shower…" I exclaimed before heading into the shower. To my surprise, there was a familiar penguin inside. I yelped before jumping out of the bathroom, half naked. Out walked the nonchalant penguin, who proceeded to, what I think, flip me off. I still could never get used to Pen pen living in the apartment.

"That's Pen pen, by the way! He's our 3rd roomie" Misato yelled from the living room, barely moving a muscle.

"That's...that's cool" I muttered back before stepping into the shower. Pen pen, that damn bird. A smile cracked on my face as I stripped off my boxers. I looked at myself in the full length mirror, immediately noting my weak physique. That's what years of emotional neglect does to you, it makes you super skinny and unappealing. I remembered that Asuka used to make fun of how she was stronger than me, that a guy was weaker than her.

The warm water that pelted my skin was soothing, to say the least. Man, it had been an extremely long day and the fatigue was beginning to get the better of me. I let the warm current wash away the day's wear and tear, leaving only the sleepiness that only sleep could combat. That or adderall, but I wasn't going to take that. Not after the last time I took it. It'll keep you awake for the number of hours prescribe, but after that you're gonna be snoozing no matter where you are.

I got dressed and tossed my used undergarment into the hamper before exiting the steamy bathroom. Misato had vacated the living room, probably retiring to her own bedroom for the remainder of the night. It was eerily silent in the household. I fumbled into my warm, but overly so, room and cozied up into the soft futon. The room was silent save for the breeze. I closed my eyes, and awaited for sleep's gracious embrace. I glanced at my bag, the one that held the SDAT that I had been so accustomed to. I didn't so much as glance at it as I shifted through the contents before. I decided it was useless. Just a crutch that I used to shut out the outside world.

Sleep was helpful this time. It alloted me time to think and process. But dreaming wasn't exactly as I pictured it. It was vague. An especially vague dream that night. It wasn't all in one piece as I was used to, it was just broken specs of a...field. I couldn't say what field. And words. Words that I heard, but I couldn't hear. It passed through me.

* * *

I woke up unsatisfied and dazzling sun awoke me, it's sun rays penetrating the thin membrane that is the eyelid. T It was also saturday, which was nice. There was no official news for the 3rd child regarding piloting business. They were probably performing maintenance on the Eva. I reluctantly crawled out of my bed after a couple minutes of being in a pseudo-comatose state. There was a complete absence of noise from outside my door. The door slid open effortlessly and I was met with the cool breeze of the AC. The bathroom was empty as was the rest of the house. On the kitchen table was a note that read "Sorry, Shinji! Urgent thing came up! Here's some money for clothes and food -Misato" and underneath the note was a stack of money.

Disregarding the money for the moment, I headed into the bathroom to prepare for the day. As I brushed my teeth with the toothpaste Misato had set out for me, I contemplated what I wanted to do for the day. I obviously needed some school supplies as well as new clothing and equipment. Quite frankly, I wanted my body back. The muscular, fit one, not the scrawny one that I had been so graciously gifted with.

I quickly changed into a random t-shirt in my bag and a pair of pants, that were way too big on me, before slipping unfashionable white shoes on. I don't understand how I could live with myself wearing such bad clothing. It was probably the self-esteem issues. I put the wad of money into my pocket, making sure that none of it would slip out before walking out the door. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun constantly glaring and the humidity was a perfect mix of moist and dry.

Tokyo-3 was as I remembered it. As I walked down the street, I noticed how the newspaper didn't publicize who the new pilot was. It gave me a sense of anonymity at least so I could gather my supplies without having to stress too much. I noticed how lively the city was despite the recent angel attack, people blissfully unaware that a murderer was among them. The mall near home was probably the best place to score cheap, nice clothing.

The mall was bustling with activity, full of the stamping of feet, and the chatter that accompanied it. This isolation catered to my own introvertedness, it felt nice to just walk around and people watch. The first store I decided to hit was Uniqlo, a new japanese brand offering the best bang for your buck clothing. As I perused the selection, my eyes came upon a certain female that I knew or was going to know. Hikari.

Her jubilance could only be matched by her fervor for the rules. I couldn't help but smile as I saw her smile from the corner of my eye. In an instant, she had disappeared from my sight like a wisp of smoke. I continued looking through the collection of printed t-shirts. Some of them included classic game designs like Super Mario and Donkey Kong. I especially like the gray and black Super Mario shirt, so I decided to pick that up. As I looked around, I found several articles of clothing that I liked and were on sale. I bought a couple tee shirts, a couple of oxford button downs, one light denim button down, and a thin cardigan. Asuka had introduced a lot of these styles to me, seeing as I dressed like crap back then, she so graciously lent me her knowledge and critique.

Next stop was buying some jeans and some shorts, which Levi had plenty of. I walked through the mall, holding my bag of clothes, having spent a good fourth of the money Misato had left me. I spotted two old faces as I passed by. It was Kensuke and Toji, both smiling and laughing. I didn't hear what they were yammering on about, but I was happy to get a glimpse of them. At Levi's, I just picked up two pairs of shorts, two pairs of jean, one pair black, one pair navy, and a pair of chinos. Then I proceeded to go buy a pair of nice looking sneakers and a pair of desert boots. By now, I barely had a third of the money Misato had given me and I still needed to buy school equipment, some gym equipment, and some food for dinner tonight.

Tonight, I should probably make a decent meal for Misato, showing my gratitude for letting me under her wing. Buying school supplies were relatively cheap, just a couple notebooks and some pens. But the hard part was dinner tonight, I had no clue! I walked around the supermarket with my bags in a shopping cart as I perused the aisles. The vegetables were on sale today, which was nice. As I robotically picked up food from the market, my mind drifted back to when Asuka and I first moved out and we went shopping together. She thought I was like an old housewife. I would skimp here and there and only buy certain items on sale, but still make delicious food. I still remember that face she made when she had a particular morsel of food that she just loved. How I would chuckle at her and how she would threaten me for laughing!

As I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I noticed a couple boxes marked for me. The door was also open as I approached the apartment. Inside, I heard a panic of swear words and cardboarding cutting.

"I'm home!" I exclaimed as I kicked off my shoes and put on the slippers.

"Welcome back! I'm just sorting through my stuff" Misato called from the living room. I was shocked at the sight that laid before my eyes as I walked into the living room. Misato was crouched amongst random objects and clothing, her eyes maniac from stress. Moreover, she was holding a box cutter in her hand as he cut through boxes and boxes. I dropped off the ingredients on the kitchen table before dropping off my purchases in my room.

"So...I guess, you're having fun?" I asked sarcastically as I walked outside to bring my boxes into my room.

"Haha...I bought you a small desk and a closest, so make sure you move your stuff in" Misato said, her back still facing me. I nodded silently as I carried the boxes of items into my room. There were a total of 3 boxes. None of them were especially heavy, nor were they completely full. 3 meager boxes contained the majority of my life.

"So what did you buy?" Misato asked as she walked to get a beer from the kitchen, while I was sorting through the ingredients.

"Bought some clothes, some supplies, and some food for the fridge" I muttered, my concentration on methodically placing food into the empty fridge.

"What did you buy from the market then?" Misato asked from the table where she had taken a seat to enjoy her beer, surely not the last one.

"Some fruit, some veges, pasta, chicken breast, ground beef, some milk…" I muttered as I recounted my purchase.

"So what's for dinner tonight?" Misato inquired.

"Chicken Pasta?" I responded as I took out the chicken breast, a can of crushed tomatoes, and some garlic.

"That sounds good, do you need to unpack your room for you?" Misato offered.

"Nah, I'll do it myself later. I'm sure you had a busy day, you should rest" I responded.

I heard Misato rustle before heading off in the direction of the bathroom. I decided that dinner preparation could wait, so I could unpack some of the stuff. The boxes contained flimsy school work and books, none of them held anything significant. The only item that I found of any significance was the picture of my father, my mother, and I, as a baby. The only time I think my father had any semblance of a smile on his face, rather than that devious smirk that only meant 'Things are going accordingly".

I took the clothes out of the shopping bags and hung them in the closet. I moved my supplies onto my desk before discarding the plastic bags and the cardboard boxes. The room looked significantly more filled, but still lacked a certain homely flair. It just felt like a boarding room. Without a clue as to what would complete my room, I began preparing dinner.

Chicken pasta was actually a pretty simple dish that I had learned from a cookbook. All I really had to do was season the skinless chicken breast with salt and pepper and sear it on high heat for a couple minutes on each side, which won't finish off the chicken breast. Searing it on high heat lets something called fond, or residual flavor, on the pan, which would come off with any liquid. First though, I added some chopped garlic and fried it without color for a minute. Then I added a splash of freshly squeezed lemon juice to deglaze the pan, and stirred around with the wooden spoon, making sure to get all the fond off the pan. I added a splash of chicken stock and a can of crushed tomato before adding the chicken breasts back into the pan to finish cooking. By now, the salted water should have been boiling, so I added the spaghetti. The package said to cook 8 minutes for al dente, or to the tooth, but it's always better to cook for one minute less and finish the pasta off in the sauce. By now, the chicken breast was finished cooking, so i took it out and rested it. My favorite twist is that I shred the chicken so that you can get a bite of chicken, sauce, and pasta all in one small bite.

"Misato, dinner's ready!" I yelled. It was already 8:30 by the time I finished cooking. Misato took her seat at the table and I placed a hearty portion of my pasta in front of her.

"Smells good, Shinji!" Misato complimented as she cracked open a beer and began digging in.

"Mmm, tastes good too!" Misato complimented again after she finished a bite of her food. I, too, began eating.

"I asked your father if we could train you to fight" Misato said after a couple minutes of eating in silence, only broken by the occasional slurping of pasta.

"And?" I inquired.

"He said, you do it starting tomorrow. There's already a trainer on site. After the sync test tomorrow" Misato replied before returning to eating her food.

"What time is the sync test tomorrow?" I asked.

"Do you have school tomorrow?" Misato asked.

"It's sunday tomorrow…" I replied.

"Oh right, yeah. It's tomorrow at 11 and you have your first lesson at 1 and it should end at 4" Misato explained. 3 hour training session? It was going to be rough. But then again, I was more than ready for a second chance at this. Even if it meant getting a lot more bruised and feeling a lot more sore than I intended.


	3. 2 - The Good Stuff

Disclaimer: I don't own anything NGE-related. I own the Rebuilds, but that's it. Like I physically own them, but I don't own the franchise

Notes: I'm not gonna follow chronological order for a lot of the interactions. Angel fights will of course be in the order, but certain character interactions and dialogue will be placed wherever I want! Also, updates are going to be sporadic because as a college student, I have work, friends, and crap. So bear with me, I try my best to write everyday!

* * *

Chapter 2: The Good Stuff

By Dorian Express

* * *

"How are you feeling, Shinji?" Ritsuko asked over the intercom.

"I feel fine…" I muttered, lost in my own thoughts. Sync test were a weekly thing at NERV, but the first sync test was special. This wasn't my first one though, there was no anxiety. It felt nice to be submerged in LCL, even if it was Lilith's blood. I enjoyed bathing in the liquid, it was soothing and warm.

"Shinji, you're doing great. You're at 81% right now, which is optimal for your first time" Ritsuko complimented. 81%? I was slacking.

"Are there other pilots besides me and Ayanami?" I asked over the intercom.

"There is one that is currently residing in Germany" Misato replied over the intercom.

"What's the pilot's name?" was my following question. I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her name.

"Asuka Langely Soryu" Misato answered. Her name provided me with the fix I needed. Each syllable of her name was like a shot of cocaine, providing me with euphoria.

"Why are you asking?" Misato asked after a couple seconds.

"Just curious" I lied.

"We're done with the test. You averaged 80.3% sync ratio, which is great. Good job, Shinji" Ritsuko complimented.

"After you shower and change, we're going to begin the regimen" Misato said over the intercom.

* * *

"Your instructor's name is Mark. Mark is a Japanese-born American who has trained with the Marines from before 2nd Impact and is incredibly proficient in MMA. He will be your trainer" Misato introduced. Before me stood a graying man who was built like a fighting machine. Mark wasn't overly big nor was he small. His figure was compact and perfectly built for combat.

"Hello, I'm Mark. Pleased to meet you, Ikari Shinji" Mark greeted, stretching out his hand.

"Hey, nice to meet you. Take care of me…" I responded meekly, taking Mark's outstretched hand and tried giving him a firm handshake. But, Mark showed me what a firm handshake was. His hands were full of callouses and were rough to the touch. A veteran's hand.

"How do you know Mark, Misato?" I asked my guardian.

"He's the head chef of NERV" Misato responded, much to my surprise.

"Head chef?" I asked, incredulously.

"Cooking has always been my passion. I do MMA and weightlifting on the side." Mark explained, "NERV has an amazing faculty, so I am going to thoroughly train you to be a skilled marksmen, fighter, and help you obtain a stronger body" It was hard to explain Mark's expression, it was reserved but also contained a lot of happiness and joy. Someone who was content with their lot in life. I couldn't help but feel envious.

"I'll leave Shinji to you, Mark." Misato said, turning to the exit, "Train his ass to the ground".

"Yes, Ma'am!" Mark exclaimed as Misato left. He turned to me after Misato had made her exit.

"So, how about we start by doing basic fitness?" Mark suggested.

"Sure, let's do that" I confirmed before following Mark to the treadmills.

"We're going to begin by doing 10 minutes to warm-up" Mark explained as he hopped on one of the many treadmills. I got on one next to him and hit begin.

"We're going to walk at 2 mph at first, and then we're going to jog at 4 mph for 2 minutes, and then we're going to run at 8 mph for 6 minutes, and cool down on 2 mph." Mark said. I nodded.

"So, Shinji-kun, tell me about piloting the Eva" Mark asked as we took a brisk walk on the treadmill. His question was a difficult one to say the least, since I didn't really know the mechanics behind the Eva.

"It's like moving your own body, but every thought translates into the Eva moving" I tried to explain, but the look on Mark's face told me that I was unable to convey what I meant.

"It's hard to explain, sorry…" I apologized.

"No, it's fine, don't apologize. Let's move onto 4 mph" Mark said before hitting the 4 mph button on the treadmill. I followed suit and the treadmill began moving faster, forcing me to begin a brisk jog. My heart began pumping faster and faster, and my lungs began expanding and contracting faster as well. I felt like my breath couldn't keep up with me, a taste of iron coating the back of my throat as I jogged. My body struggled to keep up with itself, unable to circulate oxygen to my agonizing muscles. My heart pumped like mad, forcing my lungs to breathe and breathe and breathe rapidly. Fast. Fast. Fast. My mind went blank as I allocated every. single. one. of my resources in order to run and be able to propel my weary legs forward. Every second was like fighting a war, like an Angel hit the self-destruct button burning my entire body. Every second felt like that.

My eyes maneuvered to view how long I've been dying and it read...3 minutes. My body's fatigue had started to apprehend the usage of my legs. With the last of my strength, I hit the 2 mph button on the machine, slowing down, possibly saving my life. Each breath was labor-intensive, it felt like my lungs were crying out in pain as each individual air sac popped in an effort to provide me with the ability to take a breath.

"Shinji-kun, we need to work on your endurance...Come on, let's try weight lifting" Mark laughed as he got off his treadmill, completely unfazed. I wearily followed the muscular older gentleman to the weight racks. Even though the gym was almost empty, it was very well stocked containing a sparring rink, a couple sandbags, cardio equipment, and a ton of weights and machines. Mark got me to do a couple bench presses and more "testing" exercises to access my overall physique. From the look on his face, I could tell that I needed to work harder on this body in order to achieve what I once had.

"We're going to start off with some MMA training" Mark said, a soft smile on his face as he got himself inside the boxing rink. Inside the rink lied a pair of gloves and hitting mitts. Mark tossed me the pair of gloves, prompting me to put them on before he put on his hitting mitts.

"First, we're gotta learn the proper stance. Are you a righty or lefty?" Mark asked.

"Righty" I answered.

"So, basically keep your feet shoulder width apart. Tilt your body so a little bit so that the front of your body is facing your right, and keep your left fist a tad above your shoulder. Keep your elbows in, and try to maintain a lower sense of gravity. Now snap your left fist forward and retract quickly." Mark instructed. I followed them to the dot and proceeded to punch the wind.

"Good now, hit this mitt" Mark complimented before taking up a position for me to hit the mitt. It was a firm mitt, that's for sure. The pain from the torn muscle fibers echoed through my brain as I forcibly made contact with the mitt. Mark nodded and gave me "come on"'s as I continued a dedicated, but weak assault on the mitt, but I kept at it with Mark's encouragement. My tank-top was beyond soaked with my sweat at this point, the sweat had seeped through to my boxers, and was already penetrating the fabric of my shorts.

"That's enough for now" Mark said, taking off the mitts. I glanced over at the clock on the wall. It was 3 o'clock already. In a split second, my weary body crumpled onto the mat of the boxing rink. I was going to be so sore tomorrow. I was going to be unable to move my body tomorrow.

I was right. It hurt to move. It hurt so much that I couldn't even hit the alarm clock to stop its incessant beeping. I raised my arm, only to be met with the immediate pain of torn muscle fibers in my arms, chest, and back. Mark was going to run me into the ground alright, Misato got her wish granted. I took in a deep breath and tried to marginalize the pain erupting from the entirety of my body. In a last ditch attempt to save my eardrums and sanity, I flailed my arm at the alarm clock. I missed. Fucking hell, I missed. I missed by literally a mile.

* * *

"SHUT THE ALARM CLOCK OFF! DAMMIT, SHINJI" Misato yelled from her room. I felt bad for my guardian, she got home really late last night. Now she was woken up at the ripe time of 6 fucking 30 in the morning because a sore teenager couldn't move his body.

"STOP MASTURBATING AND TURN OFF THE ALARM, SHINJI!" Misato screamed again, much to my embarrassment.

"I CAN'T MOVE. IT HURTS TOO MUCH!" I screamed back. God, it hurt so much. The lactic acid burned every single pain receptor in my muscular system as I made a second attempt to shut the beeping alarm. Even the first time I had worked out, I didn't feel this pain. Mark drilled the pain into each and every single muscle of my body. Every time a muscle twitched, it was immediately pierced by a searing knife.

"SHINJIII. DAMMITTT" Misato yelled in frustration as she burst into my room only to see a contorted teenager unable to move because of the pain. Instead of helping me up or shutting off the alarm, she began laughing...hysterically in the face of my pain. I tried groaning, but the rumbling offset a series of muscle spasms in my core causing me to wither in pain. It was a horrible chain reaction of muscle pain.

"Help...me…" I muttered in duress as my sides squealed in pain.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do" Misato responded after her outrageous fit of laughter. She walked over to the alarm and tapped it off, before rolling me onto my back. I got a clear glimpse of Misato's face since it was like 2 feet away from mine. Her glistening brown eyes flushed with tears from her laughter and the crow's feet emerging from the corners of her eyes due to her beautiful, white smile.

"I'll see if I can get you some aspirin, okay? Can you get up?" Misato asked. I shook my head in response, the mere act causing my traps to shudder in pain.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. Mark really did a number on you?" She inquired. I nodded softly. Misato walked out of my room, leaving me to my torn body. I took a deep breath in and began propping up my body on my elbows, utilizing all my strength in my core to give me enough lateral movement to sit up. Every movement shot daggers into my nervous system. My brain kept yelling at me to lie down, stop moving for like 3 days. But after what seemed like eternity, I finally sat up.

"Here are some painkillers,but I don't know if they'll help." Misato said, handing me two advils and a glass of water. I quickly nabbed it from her and swallowed it, praying for the sweet relief of pain killers.

"Do you think you can go to school today? It looks like you're in a ton of pain…" Misato said, her eyes wearily scanning my body.

"I don't think so...Mark really ran me through the gutter yesterday" I complained as I fell back down my my futon, my body too fatigued to move a second longer. Sweet, sweet relief.

"I'll call them and say that you can't make it. Sleep tight, buddy" Misato replied, turning around. My eyelids drooped down, giving me the sweet release of sleep. As I passed on, I heard the faint sound of Misato dialing the school and telling them that their new transfer student couldn't make it today due to fatigue, of all things. There was a part of me that regretted not being able to go to school for the first time in a while, but I could feel a new strength surging through my body.

"Rest up, I have to go back to NERV later. I'll get someone over to check on you later" Misato yawned. I nodded sleepily, before curling back into the loose blankets. But sleep offered me no dreams, just a blank slate for recovery. It was peaceful though, not having a plan or having anything to do, just lying down and sleeping. That was my favorite thing to do, quite frankly. Lie there, without a care in the world. No one to save, no one to help, no one to tell me what to do. Just...lie there, without a care in the world. As a teenager should.

Hours passed, the sun shifted from east to west, and I didn't move an inch. Not because I didn't want to move, but rather because I couldn't. In economics, I learned to weigh opportunity costs. Basically, what you would sacrifice in order to pick one alternative over another. Right now, I was weighing whether or not to get up and make food and be in pain or lie in bed and feel hungry and be in less pain. Decisions. Decisions.

As I was contemplating which choice would leave me in the least amount of pain, I heard Misato come home. It was still pretty early, but maybe she took off early to take care of me.

"Misato! I'm in here!" I screamed. I relaxed back into my futon as I heard her whimsical steps approach my door.

"Misato...I'm hungry, can you make me something?" I asked.

"Okay, Ikari-kun. I shall make you something to eat." A familiar voice responded. My eyes were met with Rei Ayanami. She was injured, like when I first met her. Her eyes peered down on my helpless figure as she stood above me, her skirt flowing in the breeze. Her short blue hair danced as her eyes met mine for the very first time. Red. A beautiful ruby red.

"Uhhh, what are you doing here?" I asked the stoic figure in my doorway.

"Misato commanded me to come here and check to see if you were alive" Rei reported, her tone monotonous and unsettling. I sat up, this time with less pain surging throughout my body.

"I take it school just ended?"

"Yes, Ikari-kun. So what would you like me to do?" Rei asked, as if she was a robot sent to do my bidding.

"Nothing, relax. I wanna chat" I said, motioning for her to take a seat in my room. My hunger could wait.

"Okay." Rei said as she took a seat across from me. I could see a slight wince in her face as she sat down. To some degree, I felt her pain.

"What do you want to talk about?" Rei asked, her eyes trained on mine. Her face was like porcelain, white and precious. Even the slightest touch would break her.

"How are you feeling? I hope you're feeling better than before"

"Thank you for your concern, Ikari-kun. I am doing better than before" she responded.

"Don't call me Ikari-kun or Ikari for that matter. I'm not my father. Call me Shinji, please." I requested of the blue-haired girl.

"Sh-Shinji. I shall call you Shinji-kun from now on." Rei said, her voice shaking a little bit.

"Hey, we're pilot in arms right. I'll call you Rei, you'll call me Shinji. I got your back, you got mine. What do you say?" I asked, giving her a slight wink.

"That would be advantageous for the both of us. Thank you" Rei responded, a slight hue of red coloring her otherwise pale face. There was always something about how Rei blushed as opposed to Asuka's. Rei's was a lot more precious, more delicate. It could melt hearts, even my father's.

"So, tell me about yourself, Rei" I proposed. I already knew that there was nothing for her to tell me, but I wanted to ingrain that seed into her mind. The one that meant, you are your own damn person.

"There is nothing to tell, Ika...Shinji-kun" Rei answered after a second. I chuckled at her response.

"Yeah, there is. I know that piloting an Eva is hard and working for my father is hard, but there has to be something about yourself that you can tell me." I responded, before thinking of a little something, "Fine, let's play a game. You tell me something, I tell you something. Sound good?"

"I don't see how this is a game." Rei responded, her voice still monotonous.

"Just play along, okay?" I laughed. The pain in my sides had subsided considerably as I talked to my old comrade.

"If you wish" was her confirmation.

"I'll start then. I...uhh...play cello"

"Okay. I...I...I'm vegetarian" Rei struggled.

"Wow, really? Maybe that's why you're so pale" I said. I, of course, knew why she was pale. Well, I didn't know, but I knew that her vegetarianism wasn't the reason why. I missed this. Despite what Rei could become, I still missed our regular bouts of talk and laughter. It was...for lack of a better word, interesting.

"Are you hungry, Rei? I can make something for us to eat. I got some udon" I asked, slowly standing up, my legs ratcheting due to the lack of muscular support. Rei got up slowly in response.

"It is okay, Ika...Shinji-kun. Misato told me that you shouldn't stress your body" Rei complained, her good arm extending to steady me.

"It's fine, you're my guest. I should serve you" I chuckled as I wobbled to my door, using it as support to exit the room.

"I assure you, Shinji-kun. I do not need such services." Rei protested softly as I struggled to put a pot of tea on the boil.

"Have a seat. I wanna keep talking. I want to get to know my fellow pilot" I said, giving the pale-skinned girl a soft smile before gesturing her to take a seat at the table.

"So, I guess it's my turn, right? I'm 14. Your turn" I said as I sat down across from the bandaged girl.

"I, too, am 14." Rei replied.

"I, uhhhh, don't like my father" I revealed. Rei's eyes opened up at my revelation.

"Please elaborate." Her voice was soft, but strong.

"Those weren't the rules, Rei" I joked, only to see the girl across from me slightly red from anger.

"Please elaborate, Shinji-kun" Rei repeated, her intent all too clear.

"It's nothing really. I don't like him. Our ideals clash, we don't see eye to eye. Why? Do you like my father? Do you think it's okay for him to send teenagers off to battle while he watches?" I replied.

"Your father is a good man." Rei countered, her voice faltering.

"You don't know my father like I do." This time my tone was harsher and...well, it reminded me of my father's tone. "Now it's your turn"

"I do not want to play anymore." Rei conceded. I nodded, and soon after the tea boiled. I slowly got up to turn it off and pour it into those nice ceramic teacups. I placed it in front of the girl, who thanked me.

"You know, it's cool if you enjoy hanging out with father. I don't have to like him" I finally said after a couple minutes of awkward silence.

"He does a lot for NERV" Rei counter argued. Her naivety was beginning to get on my nerves. My father...my father wasn't even human. She was just a means for his end.

"He does a lot for himself, Rei. One day, you'll understand." I replied gravely. Her expression didn't change as she sipped the tea.

"This tea tastes horrible"

"Yeah, I can't afford the good stuff"

* * *

"Hello class, starting from today, this young man will be in homeroom 1-A with all of you!" My homeroom teacher said introducing me. I looked around the room, scanning the faces of people that I had met already once. Rei sat near the back, next to the window. She took a second to acknowledge my presence before continuing her studious perusing of the beautiful sky outside.

"Hi, my name is Shinji Ikari. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me later." I said introducing myself before the teacher directed me to a seat in the middle column, towards the back. It was next to Toji and Kensuke.

"Hey, I'm Shinji. Nice to meet you guys" I said, introducing myself to my neighbors after i had taken my seat.

"Hi, I'm Kensuke and this is Toji" the bespectacled teen in front of me said, introducing himself and his neighbor to me.

"Hey, nice to meet you guys" I said, giving the two of them a soft smile.

"Hey, you wanna hang out during lunch?" Kensuke proposed after a minute, "Toji wants to say something to you."

"Sure, no problem" I replied. Class was boring as usual, nothing new. Instead my mind drifted off to wonderland. I was still sore, but at least, I was capable of moving my body today. If I remembered correctly, the next angel was going to attack in a matter of days. Moreover, it was suppose to have electric tentacles that wrapped itself around me and would proceed to give me electroshock therapy. The class proceeded without a hitch, a lot of it focused on pre-2nd Impact history. The teacher was adamant on drilling it into our heads, but for children who haven't even experienced the simple concept of wearing jacket out on a cold day, it was hard for them to understand.

"Wait, so are you the pilot of that Purple Robot thingy? I saw you on the news" a random female classmate questioned, enthusiasm far too prominent in her eyes.

"Uhhh, yeah I am." I responded, relatively meekly to her overzealous attitude, "I kind of have to meet up with someone"

"A girlfriend?" My classmate asked immediately. Her eyes were hoping for the answer no.

"Uhhh, no. But I'll talk to you later, I guess" I said, slowly backing away from the group of students forming around my desk.

"I'll hold you to that promise!" The girl yelled as I quickly shuffled off to the exit where Toji and Kensuke were waiting.

"Please don't!" I yelled back before quickly exiting the classroom. Toji and Kensuke were waiting outside for me.

"You're kind of popular, aren't you?" Kensuke joked.

"I don't want to be, it's kind of annoying" I responded, "Where are we going to eat?"

"I was thinking rooftop? It's kind of a nice day today, what do you think, Toji?" Kensuke asked, facing the silent boy at his side.

"Whatever, I don't care…" Toji muttered under his breath, facing away from me.

"He's just shy" Kensuke laughed as we walked to the rooftop.

"Really now? I never thought Toji would be the shy type" I said, poking fun at the taller boy. His tanned face turned a shade of brick red as he hid his embarrassment.

It really was a beautiful day today, the sky was lit with fleeing clouds and the wind that barely gave chase. Majestic, really. The sun wasn't blazing too hot this time around, only bathing us in an adequate amount of warmth. It was a quaint spot, far away from society, but close enough to hear echoes of laughter from the naive mass below.

"So, Mr. Toji, what do you have to tell Shinji here?" Kensuke asked jokingly.

"Hey, uh...Shinji?" Toji began, his voice struggling to get across to me.

"Yeah, what's up?" I responded, trying my best to give him an encouraging smile.

"Uhhh...I...just wanna…" Toji stuttered, the red hue spreading intensely across his cheek.

"Come on, man! Just tell him, it's not that hard!" Kensuke laughed, egging on the embarrassed young man. Toji took a deep inhale before telling me.

"I just want to say thank you a lot for helping my family!" Toji exclaimed in one quick breath. A smile broke out on my face, one that was the definition of uncontained happiness.

"It's...uh...my pleasure" I stuttered, trying to muffle the sobs that were soon to erupt from my soul, "Don't worry, I'll always...protect you guys"

"Jesus, that's really sappy!" Kensuke joked, before patting me on the shoulder, "Don't cry, man. This is suppose to be a happy thing!" As I stood amongst my first friends, the word that came to my mind was: cherish. Cherish this, Shinji. The laughs, the smiles, the jokes. Everything. Enjoy all of it. Kaworu, what if I can't? No, you have to. Because one day, even if you save everybody, they'll leave you. So, right now? Smile, laugh, and just do it.

"Anyways, lunch is over! Let's head back" Toji said, pouncing to his feet. He was back to his energetic self. I slowly got up, the pain registering throughout my body, albeit to a lesser effect.

"How come you didn't come to school yesterday?" Kensuke asked as we walked down the stairs.

"I was really sore from a workout at NERV" I replied.

"Really? What did they make you do?" Toji asked. And I told him, in detail, the extent to which Mark pushed my lame excuse of a body. I watched as Toji and Kensuke's face contorted in response to the gruesome details. The regimen itself was full-body, destroying every single muscle, which is a terrible regimen since you will be unable to move the next day and you will need a substantial amount of protein in order to recover. But it meant fast improvement if I stuck to it.

"I'm sorry for your loss" was the only thing the two could mutter as I concluded my explanation of hell, as done to me by Mark.

"It's no big deal, really" I chuckled as we entered the classroom 1-A. It was bustling inside and noisy as students ran to clean up their bentos or throw out their sandwich wrappings. I glanced over at Rei whose eyes were absentmindedly aimed out the window.

* * *

"Confirmed Angel! Prepare to launch Unit 01!" I heard Misato command over the intercom, "You got that, Shinji?"

"Yeah, got it…" I muttered under my breath.

"We're launching in 1 minute. Prepare yourself"

I was already prepared for the most part. I was still a little bit sore from yesterday's workout with Mark, but most of the pain had subsided. Sitting inside the cockpit, surrounded by LCL, was...how should I put it...like a warm massage all over the body. My body gently rocked as Unit 01 was docked into the launch pad. 30 seconds. Hmmmm. 30 seconds. I could finish this in 30 seconds. I could be killed in 30 seconds. Mankind could be reduced to jelly in less than 30 seconds.

"LAUNCHING IN 5...4...3...2...1!" I've been launched in this godforsaken abomination countless times and each launch is just as unsettling as the first. It was such a nice, bright day outside.

"Confirmed Angel in sight. Preparing to engage" I declared.

"Assault Rifle coming your way. Prepare to intercept!" Hyuuga called over.

"Roger!" I complied as a rifle shot up from the ground to my right. It was a standard assault rifle except gigantic. Mark taught me how to shoot an assault rifle, properly. The steel felt cool in the hands of the EVA.

"Angel in sight. Unit-01 Engage!" Misato commanded over the intercom.

"Unit-01 Engaging!" I confirmed before aiming down the sights of the rifle. The angel reminded me of a snowshoe crab, with it's bony fingered underbelly and it's head. It was absolutely disgusting. I carefully aimed for the bright red orb on the underside of its crustacean-like head. First to test it's AT field, nothing too rash. Think.

I pulled the trigger once, firing a singular bullet. Despite the speed at which it cut through the air, it was instantly rejected by the AT field which the Angel projected. What do? Do I switch to close combat or should I keep testing it? I quickly took cover behind a tall building, making sure to crouch. I glanced over my shoulder to ascertain the angel's position, its disgusting pink body nonchalantly waving itself in the air.

"Unit-01, please take the utmost precaution. We have not yet identified the danger the Angel poses" Ritsuko cautioned over the intercom.

"$30 bucks says it has tentacles." I chuckled, garnering no chuckles from the command station.

"Please refrain from joking, Unit-01. Focus on destroying the Angel" Misato yelled irritated. I took another glance over my shoulder at the calm angel. It was nonchalantly mulling around the city. I stepped around my cover and took another couple shots to draw the attention of the gigantic Angel, only for it to block the bullets with its automatic AT field. Almost instantaneously, I felt a painful feeling, akin to a slap, across my face as the Angel's tentacle-like whip extended and struck me across the face. It left an electrifying feeling across my cheek.

"Fuck, that burnt" I cursed as I ducked back behind the cover of the building. Its whip stung like hell.

"Be careful, Unit-01. The target is approaching you. Be cautious!" Misato warned. I glanced behind my shoulder, noting the shadow of the Angel as it approached my location. Yesterday, Mark taught me proper combat knife techniques, including grip and how to swiftly attack. Obviously, the same motions don't exactly translate well into Eva combat, but right now, the gun wasn't going to work. Looking back, the guns never really worked. We had to do everything in close combat...or through visceral eating.

The Angel inched closer as my heart thumped against my chest, pumping blood, inciting adrenaline to course through my veins. The muscular soreness had all but alleviated, and the cheek burn was simply a cool reminder. It disgusting underbelly was slyly hidden away from the sun, but condescending enough to show it to the puny humans below, believing that we wouldn't be able to strike it down anyways.

In one swift motion, I threw the assault rifle into the air, before quickly dashing at the core from below. I had one chance to take it out with the combat knife. I watched as the Angel quickly destroyed the defenseless assault rifle with both of its tentacles. It all happened in the link of the eye, its tentacles retracted in a split second, positioning itself for an assault on the next target. I quickly unsheathed the combat knife stored in the right binder and leapt.

My chest tightened as the pain...I don't even know where it came from. My chest? Oh god. It burns. What do I do? Run? Should I run? But I can't run. This searing pain. Emanating from the right side of my chest. It...it was nothing. It had to be nothing.

"Shittt!" I screamed as the pain made a second trip around my body.

"I'll fucking kill you" I muttered under my breath, my body recoiling from the pain. I focused all my intent on the bulging red core it was so proudly displaying. I swiftly planted my knife through the rock-like membranes. The virtual reality monitors were stained red with its blood as the damn thing exploded, leaving a hole in my chest. Oh god, it burns. So this is what a stab wound feels like!

"Shinji, shinji!" Misato yelled frantically. Her voice went to the wayside as I shut out all outside stimuli. It helped with the pain. No sight, no hearing, no taste, no smells. Just concentrating on the paradoxical wound in the chest.

"Shinji, please respond if you are injured" Ritsuko commanded over the intercom, her voice reminiscent of a calm ocean.

"I'm fine. Just get me out of this thing" I grunted as the pain dissipated from my body as Unit-01 shut down. It was just dark now. The plug was now a dark entity as the offspring of Lilith went to sleep. It was still warm and it was still comfortable. It was like...waking up in a warm bed after a good night's sleep. That's how I would describe this sensation. A mother's warm touch even. It felt soothing. Drifting off to sleep was.

A warm breeze caressed my face. Or was it cool? I can't really tell. Flowers everywhere. Just a field of flowers, the scent being lifted and carried by the breeze. The sky was a brilliant blue, shimmering in the warm sunlight. The soft pillow-like clouds were dancing nonchalantly in the sky, flaunting themselves. The ground beneath me was supple with nutrients and life. It wasn't barren and cold like I always perceived the earth to be.

"Hey, Shinji…" the girl next to me said. Her voice was Asuka's voice. Obviously. Who else would be in my delusions of grandeur?

"Hey, Asuka…" I responded, my voice trailing as I studied the bright blue sky.

* * *

"Fuck." It was a new morning. It was the 5th time I've had that dream in 5 nights. It was suppose to be a warm dream. I was suppose to enjoy it, relish in her presence. But it was a dream, a dream that probably would never happen in real life. I could almost smell her in the air. Strawberries. Hmm, I always thought she would smell like strawberries. Red hair with a red fruit? Apples are red as well, but strawberries seemed more like Asuka. Strawberries were light small bites packed full of juicy, sweet flavor.

"Shinji! Wake up, I need to go to Rei's apartment to give something to her!" Misato yelled from her room, sleepiness far too present in her voice.

"Sure." I replied. If I remembered correctly, this was the start of the romantic comedy between me and Rei. The stereotypical romantic anime troupe where the male protagonist accidently walks in on his love interest naked and then they end up in a very compromising position. But this was different. The Rei at the moment, wasn't human. She was, but at the same time she wasn't. Her icy and nonchalant demeanor meant nothing because she didn't know what it was like to interact. She lived for NERV and I didn't want that. She was practically my sister before she became Instrumentality and basically mind raped me into submission.

"Give her her ID! They're on the table!" Misato commanded, "There's a sync test at 1 pm, so get there on time!" It was 7:30 right now. It felt way too comfortable to move. The sunlight lightly toasted my skin as I lie there, simply relaxing.

"Rei?" I yelled, knocking on the door of the dilapidated apartment.

"It's unlocked…" I noted as I turned the knob to her apartment. I was greeted with a familiar sight. It was a shabby hallway, speckled with dust and matted with sunlight. To say that I didn't like being in this room was an understatement. I could smell the rust and the earth, their characteristics only accentuated with the malicious dry air that occupied the entire building. Rather distasteful, if you ask me.

"Rei, I'm here." I yelled as I walked into her dusty one bedroom apartment. It was efficient. Small, unencumbered by mortal things. The door opened behind me as I carefully examined Rei's personal effects on her desk. A photo of my father and a pair of broken lenses. There was a moment of silence as my back faced the probably naked girl.

"Hello, Shinji-kun" Rei greeted, her voice eerily quiet, cracking the silence of the solemn room.

"I'm here to drop off your ID. You wanna put something on?" I asked, turning my head slightly. Her nude body was honestly quite...angelic, for lack of a better word. The sunlight only sought to accentuate her pale skin, giving her an inhuman glow. Her soft, light blue hair wetly matted against her pale skin, her white towel draped around her neck, just enough to cover the majority of her breasts. Her red eyes peering through the stillness of her room.

"Why, Shinji?" she asked me as if being naked in the presence of company was okay.

"It's common practice to do so" I replied turning back to examine her room. I didn't like it. It felt stuffy and dead.

"Why do you have my father's glasses anyway?" I asked, casually picking up his spectacles. They were mangled and cracked, much like him.

"Please put that down, Shinji" Rei asked, her clothes shuffling over her body behind me. I gently placed the pair of glasses back in their rightful place. I turned around to see that Rei was dressed in her standard school uniform.

"Yeah, we should go shopping some day. You can't wear your damn uniform everywhere" I chuckled as I handed her the ID, "We're expected at NERV for at test at like 1pm"

"Okay, what time is it now?" Rei asked, accepting her NERV card.

"11:30" I answered, glancing at my watch.

"You wanna head to NERV?" I asked, making my way to the door.

"Yes, Shinji"

The walk to NERV Headquarters was silent for the most part. Rei chose to allow her eyes to stray, nonchalantly studying the passing cars or the fleeting people. As we entered NERV HQ, I noticed her skin was slightly damp with sweat from the rays of the sun, no doubt her uniform held some fault. In contrast to the bright lighting outside, NERV's dimmer light allowed me to make out her features a little better. It's not that I didn't know what Rei looked liked, but it was still surreal that she was here.

"Shinji, why are you here?" Rei asked as we descended the escalator into the bowels of NERV.

"I'm here because...I don't know." I responded after a moment of thought. Rei's back was facing me.

"Do you like it here?" Rei asked subsequently, her voice inquisitive.

"Here? As in Tokyo-3 or NERV?" I asked in response to her question. She turned to face when with her wide red eyes, probing me for answers.

"No, on this planet." Rei answered, much to my surprise.

"Quite honestly, not really. I don't really like being in a world where everything is on the brink of destruction, where everyone has a fuck it attitude because we could all be dead in a day. I hate a place where I'm abandoned by someone who was suppose to care for me. I hate living in this shitty world devoid of love, compassion, and empathy. It sucks, Rei" I answered, my voice matching my heightened emotions.

"So...why are you here, then?" Rei asked me. This time her eyes told me a different story. They reminded me of a child's eye when he didn't understand something. A wide-eyed child yearned for knowledge of the world and its fucked up processes, to which the adult responds with a misguiding, condescending lie or half-truth that beckons the question "why?". Her eyes were those eyes, yearning for a deeper knowledge, something that my Father had abstained from providing her.

"Because, Rei...I'm here because I'm the only one who can take all this bullshit and come out the other end. Because I'm scared, scarred, and emotional screwed, I can pilot the Eva and still retain a shred of sanity. Whatever shreds of it are left, anyways" I said, my eyes unable to meet her child-like innocence.

"So...why am I here?" Her question struck me, struck me to the damn core. It was a brutal question to ask someone. Her eyes studied me for an answer, striking down my cynical reserves quickly. I think she saw the weakness in me, something I was ashamed of, that sense of guilt. That I survived.

"Rei, I don't know. But you're here for a reason" I responded hesitantly, "Let's change the subject" Rei nodded, seemingly understanding. I could see the ounce of disappointment in her eyes.

"I see. I shall change the subject then. How is school?" Rei asked.

"...I don't wanna talk about school." I responded flatly, "Why don't you come over for dinner later. Misato would love that" Rei turned around to face me once again, her red eyes hopeful in their own solemn way.

"I accept your offer, Shinji-kun" Rei responded.

"Yeah, after I have training, we could go buy some ingredients and I'll make some food," I said, "You're vegetarian if I remember correctly"

"Yes, I am a vegetarian" Rei responded as we reached the bottom of the long escalator. I don't know if it was my imagination overreacting, but I could have heard a hint of happiness in her voice.

"I'll think of something good for all of us," I chuckled as we scanned our ID's, "Besides, Misato needs to go on a diet anyways". I could heard a faint chuckle from my companion and just a glimmer of her sweet, but secretive smile. Too bad she was a clone of my mother, right? Now that I think about it, even if Rei weren't a clone of my mother, I'd still prefer the fiery temperament of Asuka.

"Shinji, you're synched at 81% today," Dr. Akagi explained into the intercom, "Rei, you are at a meager 50%. Try to bump it up"

"Understood" Rei simply stated whereas I remained silent. What could I make that was vegetarian today, I didn't really know many recipes. Maybe something with mushrooms? I wonder if Rei liked mushrooms.

"Rei, do you like mushrooms?" I asked, glancing at the image to my left showing Rei's features.

"I am quite fond of them, yes" Rei responded, her body not moving.

"Great, I got something in mind." I chuckled.

"I look forward to it, Shinji" Rei responded, her voice still flat.

"Our dinner plans are going to have to wait, Shinji and Rei. We got an Angel incoming" Misato commanded, her voice stern and rigid, "Prepare to launch Shinji"

"How about Rei? I don't mind going solo" I responded urgently.

"Unit 00 is still being evaluated and we cannot send it off yet. You'll have to go solo for this one as well. Don't worry, we're behind you 100%" Ritsuko explained. I glanced over at the aloof Rei, her eyes finally open, showing their ruby brilliance.

"The Angel is arriving in T minus five minutes. All hands on battlestations!" Misato exclaimed, before cutting off the communication between us. A minute passed as I collected myself, readied myself, and hardened myself. Ramiel was its name, and it, it was a strong Angel. I'd even go as far as to say it was a scary angel. It cauterised in me the burning sensation all over my body as it seared the Eva.

"Shinji, prepare to launch in 3 minutes. We have no info on the Angel except that it has an exceptional strong AT field. Be careful, understood?" I knew what was going to happen, I knew that I was going to get boiled alive in a vat of LCL. But, I couldn't warn Misato about the ramifications of this plan.

"Got it. I'm ready." I replied. But...I'll show Ramiel, you don't screw with the EVA pilots.

"Prepare to launch in 3...2…1!" Misato commanded, followed by an immediate burst of speed as the EVA was thrust through the launching shaft into the landscape above. The bright blue sky awaited me, it was a warm day, the sunlight being reflected off the purple and green coating of the EVA.

"WITHDRA-" Misato screamed as I watched my vision get covered by Ramiel's beam of utter destruction. The strength that it hit me with was...indescribable. It burnt all over, renewing every single memory I had of the experience. It burnt. It burnt a lot. Just millions of little needles pricking my body all over without so much a thought for me.

"Get...get me out. No..NOW" I grunted against my gritted teeth. My eyes shut closed as I bore the pain and felt my body twist in unnatural ways as the unnatural spasms of pain shot through my spinal cord, erupted through every single pain receptor on my body, forcing my heart to pump blood and adrenaline faster...faster...faster faster fasterfasterfaster. My mind screamed for me to run, run away quickly, run as far as I could, just run. But I didn't have to run, because the scenery, the pain, the screams, the agony faded into black.

* * *

"Shinji is waking up, Major" I heard a voice say as my sense slowly, but gradually returned to me. The rhythmic beat of the heart monitor was the second thing that came to mind. The cloth draped over my battered body was oddly scratchy, probably of a low thread count. The air was cool on the skin, the hum of the central ac evident to me next. Slowly, the bland white ceiling made itself visible to my fresh eyes.

"How are you feeling, Shinji?" Misato asked, "Are you hurt anywhere?" Her voice was dripping with concern as she leaned over my disoriented body.

"I don't know. I feel really sleepy and tired" I responded groggily, "How's the angel thing going?"

"The Angel is drilling its way into the Geofront. The EVA-01 is undergoing emergency repairs due to a slight oversight" Misato said upset.

"It's okay, Misato. I'm not that angry at you." I chuckled, "Just a little bit. Don't worry"

"Shinji, Ms. Misato was very worried about you prior to you waking up. Don't joke around, please." Rei demanded, a sharp cut in her otherwise flat tone.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry" I muttered unapologetically, "So what's the plan from here on out? I'm ready to get burned again"

"Ha ha, you're hilarious," Misato sarcastically laughed, "We need you two to rest for a bit while we maintain your EVA's. There's roughly 8 hours before the Angel breaks through to the Geofront. You're on standby, but return to NERV soon. We need to do some emergency calibrations"

"Rei, please attend to Shinji's evaluation and his discharge. I've asked the medical staff to discharge you in roughly 1 hour. Come to NERV, get some food, and we will discuss our plans." Misato continued before leaving the room in a hurry.

"So, you ready to get outta here?" I asked the quiet blue-haired angel to my left. I slowly got up to face her. Luckily for me, there was no pain coursing throughout my body as if it was a quick parasite to attack me and leave immediately.

"I wish to rest a few minutes before leaving" Rei responded.

"Sure, I don't mind." I said, "Are you tired?"

"Not really, but it is not often that I get to enjoy such serenity" Rei replied, "It's really nice outside. The setting sun is always so beautiful" I watched the serene girl as she studied the changing airscape outside, her eyes transfixed on the slow moving sun, almost envying it's warmth in contrast to her own cool skin and cold personality. As I looked on, I could only feel captivated and speechless as her eyes slowly shifted watching the distant clouds. She was honestly beautiful, in every sense of the word.

"I'm ready to go," Rei said after a couple minutes of quiet peace, "Shall we go?" Her voice was like a battering ram, thrashing me out of my trance.

"Uh...yeah, let's get out of here" I stuttered, regaining my mental faculties. Rei slowly got up as did I. I looked down and noticed that I was dressed in the clothing that I went to NERV in.

"Why am I dressed?" I asked puzzled.

"Because the nurses dressed you, so you could leave as soon as you woke up" Rei responded nonchalantly. Her responses were always so flat, that they came off as sarcastic and condescending at times. Even though she didn't mean them that way.

"Okay, then...I guess that tracks" I said, my sentence trailing off as we left the room. The checking out process was swift and easy, a couple signatures here and there and we were out the door. There was a car waiting for us, a black SUV, neat and polished unlike Misato's glorified rust bucket. Outside the car were two soldiers fitted with a SWAT uniform, except with the NERV logo. Off in the distance was Ramiel, except there was a thin drill rotating away at its stomach.

"Mr. Shinji and Miss Rei, please get in the vehicle. We have to get to NERV as soon as possible. The situation is dire" one of the guards stated, before opening the door to the back seats.

"Yeah, let's get in Rei" I complied before motioning for Rei to get in the SUV before getting in, myself. The SUV was quite spacious and had tinted black windows. Rei leaned against the door and watched the sunset as we departed the hospital. It was moderately cool inside the SUV, something that irritated me because I was hoping for a reprieve from the cool AC of the hospital.

"Can I open some windows? It's kind of cool in here" I asked the driver and his fellow soldier.

"No can do, sir. Strict policies" the uniform in the passenger seat replied, "I can turn down the AC if you would like"

"Thanks" I half-thanked and the man turned up the thermostat a little, offering me a slight haven from the coolness that had accumulated on my skin.

"Shinji, I like your clothes. Will you take me shopping some day?" Rei asked abruptly. Her statement and question were equally shocking and came out of the left field.

"Thanks. And sure, I'll take you some day," I responded before asking, "Wouldn't you rather have a girl take you?" Rei faced me with her silent expression, save for the slightly red cheeks.

"I do not have many friends," Rei responded, "In fact, I only have one." Her eyes reflected her statement and it was a sentiment I knew all too well. But I didn't know that Rei had these complications, I always thought she was void of such inane emotions and insecurities. The concept of friends and relationships was suppose to be foreign to the angelic figure to my left, but at this moment in time, in many respects, she was just as human as I was.

"It's okay, Rei. It won't be that way for long" I chuckled, "I'm sure you'll have more friends." I looked into her big red eyes and gave her a soft smile. A genuine smile, something that shouldn't exist in this world. But here it was. I gave her a soft pat on her hand before leaning back into the seat.

The ride to NERV was uninterrupted and peaceful. The quiet before the storm as one would say. It was an uninterrupted silence as we sped through a deserted Tokyo-3 and calmly made our way into the Geofront. Inside the Geofront was a different story altogether, it was humbling and bustling. Ritsuko instructed us to go get a bite to eat first before we would meet up at the rendezvous point and sortie in our EVA's.

In the cafeteria was Mark and his girlfriend, both laidback amidst the chaos that is the Geofront. The cafeteria was completely empty save for a few maintenance workers.

"Hey, Mark. How's it going?" I greeted as I walked up to the counter. Mark's face was reassuring, to say the least. It gave some solace to my weary soul.

"Oh, hey, Shinji. It's going better than expected" Mark responded with his trademark jubilant smile, "So what will you have?" I scanned the menu for a minute before deciding on the katsudon.

"I'll have the katsudon"

"Hey, honey! 1 Katsudon!" Mark yelled before facing Rei, "And what will the young lady have?" Rei's eyes were directed at the menu before her. It was traditional japanese food, but there were some American classic sprinkled here and there.

"Salad" Rei said.

"What type of Salad, honey?" Mark asked, entertaining the puzzled girl.

"What salad would you recommend, chef?" Rei asked, staring at the ex-militant. Mark laughed heartily at her question. His laugh was loud and bellowed across the empty cafeteria.

"How about I hand make you a simple Arugula salad" Mark replied, "Just arugula, some cherry tomatoes, and some light dressing. It's easy and good for you." Mark laughed once again before walking out of sight to prepare the food. The food was handed to us in roughly 10 minutes, the katsudon steaming hot and Rei's salad looking fresh and crisp.

"Thanks, Mark!" I said before heading off to one of the many empty tables available to us.

"Good luck out there, buddy!" Mark bellowed back before returning to his kitchen.

The meal was hearty and delicious, filling every single spot that needed filling inside me. Katsudon was always so good, a crispy pork cutlet and the eggy, salty, sweet sauce that adorned it soaked into the simple white rice creating an aromatic bomb that was only matched by the flavor. The soy sauce and the mirin, a staple in Japanese cuisine, permeated the dish and it was infused with the smoky pork flavor created this myriad of tastes, soothing each craving that I had. Admittedly, it was terrible after a workout seeing as it was mostly fats and starches, but seeing as I had to pilot a gigantic robot in order to save the world, I think I'm allowed a little bit of a cheat day.

"How's your food, Rei?" I asked as I hungrily slurped the sauce coated pebbles of white rice. Rei's salad was gone when I asked her as she casually dabbed at her face with a tissue.

"It was good. Better than I expected" Rei answered.

"That's good to hear" I replied before taking her tray and mine and carrying it over to the disposal site.

"So where did Misato say to meet her?" I asked the girl who got up.

"She said to change into our suits first before heading to the briefing room" Rei explained before making her way to the female changing room 2 floors above the cafeteria. I admired my body a little in the empty dressing room. Over the last week or so, I've really seen an improvement in my body's condition, finally seeing some muscular lines. Not too many, but at least I could make a muscle in the dressing room without looking like an idiot. Well, I still looked like an idiot. The suit clung to my body and adapted itself to my contour. The cool feel of the plugsuit always sent unwanted shivers down my spine.

"So the plan to take out the angel is simple" Misato began, "We're going to use this high-powered positron cannon and Unit-01 is going to snipe it. The sniper is being positioned and readied as we speak. Unit-00 will provide back-up and will be on standby just in case"

"This plan is fucking crazy, Misato." I complained, "But it just might work"

"Quit dicking around, Shinji. We're going to deploy the units soon, so get in position. The angel has already drilled through the 15th layer. We have to get a move on, now!" Misato commanded before whisking us away to our units. Rei and I walked in silence to our Units. The tension was suffocating as it forced itself down my throat. I had already faced this peril before, but this was a renewed sense of determination that I haven't felt in...I've never felt it before. This was honestly a first time for me. It wasn't a sporadic burst of heroism that was bolstered by my own inane stupidity and delusion of grandeur, but rather this was a true heartfelt desire to finally do something to help the people that I've come to love. Even if they didn't love me, I felt the need to just do it.

I looked at my EVA for a minute. As much as it has helped me grow, it has cut me down several notches. Must be Stockholm syndrome. I don't understand why I enjoy getting inside the EVA so much. It's dangerous and its plagued with destruction and war, but there's just this indescribable sensation that emanates through my body whenever I step inside. I would go as far as to call the experience magical in every sense of the word. The power at your disposal, the rage, the bolstered emotions, the unhindered ambitions, everything just comes from within that EVA and I loved it.

"Climb in the EVA now, we're going to begin the transport soon" Misato commanded from her station above. Even from this distance, I could make out her eyes that were fogged with doubt and caution.

"Got it, Major" I replied unshaken by Misato's doubt. I climbed into the cockpit of the Eva and was spiraled into the EVA.

Inside the EVA was a completely different world. It was almost nonsensical in its pursuit of loneliness and imprisonment. A dark void where there was only you. I loved it. I loved that I was alone in my own mind. It was different concept that what everyone in this shitty world was used to. In the EVA, despite the pain, there was no fear, no angst, no pity. Even if I was emotionally damaged and self-deprecating to a pathetic degree, the EVA didn't care and honestly, when I was in this cockpit, I didn't care. The world outside didn't matter to me, my desires didn't matter. There was no right or wrong, no constriction, no regulation. Just me.

I felt the rumbling from the outside world as the EVA was being transported. But, right now, I was content with this darkness. Open or closed, my eyes didn't matter. Touch, smells, taste, hearing. Non-existent in this insidious contraption. Just alone with my thoughts, my warm cheeks touching my knees as I curled up into a ball. Unexpectedly, my thoughts didn't immediately fly to Asuka nor did it to any particular person. It drifted to that previous dream. The one I wanted so badly to happen. Just lying there, in peace, surrounded by life and the blue sky. Warmth. Serenity.

When I emerged from my EVA after it was docked in position, it was night time. Across from me sat Rei as she stared into the night sky, glistening with beautiful stars.

"Are you worried about the mission, Shinji?" Rei asked without facing me.

"Maybe a little. I don't know yet. The adrenaline hasn't really pumped through me yet" I responded, unable to break away from her face.

"I'll protect you with my life, Shinji" Rei stated after a minute of silence.

"Don't do that" I muttered under my breath, "Your life is far more important"

"Shinji, my task is to be your shield" Rei said, "It is my duty to protect you, even at the cost of my life"

"Shut up, Rei. You shouldn't protect me," I said, this time a little louder, "I'm not worth it. You're better off protecting yourself."

"Why?" That question caught me offguard.

"I don't know. I'm just not worth saving" I chuckled wryly, "Trust me."

"Shinji, I believe that you are, indeed, worth saving." Rei responded, this time turning to face me.

"Rei, you don't know me like I do. I'm a horrible person" I said before emitting a particularly self-deprecating laugh. I looked at my feet as they dangled on off the platform. It was a cool summer night, a gentle breeze that lovingly caressed my face.

"Shinji, I will protect you with all my might. Do not give up on yourself" Rei stated firmly before getting up, "I'll see you soon". I remember last time she said bye like she was going away forever.

"Yeah, I'll see you soon, Rei" I responded before getting up myself and heading to get inside my EVA. I glanced back at Rei for a second to see her look at her EVA-00. The look on her face wasn't her usual silent expression nor was an expression I had particularly noticed before. The way she looked at her EVA could only be described as a young child who was waiting for their mother at the side of the road. The type of look that made you want to hug her and just say everything was going to be okay. It was that look of a child who didn't want to go to the doctor's but was putting on a brave face so her parents didn't have to worry. That look of sheer bravery muddled with antagonistic fear.

"Rei, I promise you. We'll be perfectly fine" I called out, "So when this is over, try and smile for me" And with that, I climbed into my EVA to carry out the mission. It was a daunting mission and quite frankly, I wasn't enthusiastic about trusting everything to the span of 1 bullet and having that bullet come down to the wire.

"The rifle is completely charged. Shinji, you have to use the rifle to shoot the core of the Angel. We have one shot. Rei will be the vanguard in the operation, should the angel choose to retaliate," Ritsuko explained, "Moreover, you will have to manually aim, so please take the utmost precaution when dealing with the threat. Got it?"

"Got it" I responded. Connected to the sniper rifle were tons of energy all wired from every single powerplant in a huge radius, I don't even have an exact number. I watched as the octahedral behemoth slowly rotated its drill as it continued its slow, but steady siege into the confines that protected humanity.

"Operation...begin" Misato commanded from her portable station. Soon enough, the gentle hum of the EVA subtly withdrew themselves from my brain, the warmth of the LCL flushing out of my system, leaving me only the satisfaction of steading the reticle that was being conveniently aimed at the gigantic phenomenon that threatened Mankind.

"I'm ready." I muttered under my breath, careful not to move my body while speaking. Mark taught me the basics of sniping in an hour demo. Granted, he skimmed roughly months worth of training into one hour, but Mark made sure to note the patience required as well as the body control required. Although I was situated in an EVA, any movements I made were reflected in the EVA.

"Take the shot when you're ready" Misato commanded.

"Taking shot now" I muttered again before pulling the trigger. I could almost feel the joules and joules of energy rumble through the channels and connectors as it traveled from the hundreds of energy stations into the sniper rifle. Granted this process was almost instantaneous, but I could feel it in that second, followed by the massive recoil as the sniper rifle fired. The motion rocked the EVA and myself in a way that could only be described as being hit by a train. I watched as the positron beam traveled the kilometers of distance between us and the Angel. The beam cut through the Angel, but as I remembered, there was no explosion nor anything that would suggest that the Angel had been destroyed.

"Misato, brace for impact" I muttered defeated as I watched the Angel prepare it's particle cannon. I should have felt scared or angry, but instead, I felt a guilty calmness spread all throughout my body for I knew that Rei would step in between me and the beam and allow me to get another shot off, one that would definitely finish off the Angel.

"BRACE FOR IMPACT" Misato screamed as the laser made impact with its intended target. In a blur, I watched as Rei placed herself between me and the beam, her shield quickly become deformed. I quickly repositioned myself from another shot, as right now, Ramiel was unprepared and unguarded as it continued its assault on us. I carefully aimed the reticle.

"Firing" I muttered before pulling the trigger once again. This time, the recoil wasn't as substantial as before, but I could feel the brunt of the sniper rifle's recoil as it mashed against the EVA's shoulders. I watched as the thinner beam traveled across the vast distance and pierced the Angel in it's core. The explosion, as usual, was beautiful as it collapsed within itself. I watched it for a second as it illuminated the night sky before jumping out of the cockpit.

"Shit," I muttered as I leapt onto the scorched ground, the heat lightly toasting my feet through the plugsuit. I ran over to the cockpit of Unit 00 that had been ejected prior to Unit 00's breakdown. The capsule was red hot and was steaming, never a good sign. I grabbed onto the manual override and twisted with all my might. The metal was hot, extremely hot. The strain from having to pilot and the fatigue from the 12 hours prior had began to take its toll on my strength, but I pushed. Oh god, I pushed. I brought forth all the oxygen I could muster, all the strength that I had gained, and I pushed. The latch finally gave way and I quickly climbed in the cockpit.

"Rei, are you okay?" I yelled into the darkness. The LCL that I had jumped into reminded me of the onsen. I looked over at the weary Rei whose eyes were closed and whose body was relaxed. Her chest expanded and deflated slowly.

"What did you ask of me again, Shinji?" Rei asked as she opened her red eyes.

"Just smile for me, Rei" I chuckled as parts of my vision grew blurry, "I've never seen you smile" I quickly wiped away the accumulating tears with the back of my burnt hands. As the vision cleared, I could only see the dazzling smile of Rei's. It wasn't dazzling in its grandeur nor did it have a promiscuous edge, rather it was dazzling in its purity. It delighted me in a way that no one could ever replicate and although this was the second time I had seen this smile, in many ways, this time surpassed the first. The meaning behind it was pure and unadulterated.

"Thanks for saving me, Rei" I thanked after a moment before returning a smile of my own. I reached out to the tired girl and she took gently held it before I hoisted her out of the fuming wreckage.

"You owe me dinner, Shinji" Rei smiled.

"Yeah, I don't think I can cook tonight"


End file.
